


The Rooms

by RonniRotten



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abuse, Age Difference, Blood, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Gen, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Inappropriate Humor, Innuendo, Mild Gore, Murder, Murder Mystery, Past Abuse, Suicide mention, abusive!virgil, but like no one attempts it or anything but it is mentioned, depression!virgil, do not copy to other sites, familial dark sides - Freeform, he does come around in the end dw, the last thing i want to do is make anyone a bad guy in this fic, will add tags as needed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-06-27 07:44:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 27,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19786381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RonniRotten/pseuds/RonniRotten
Summary: Having nothing to do makes Remus a scary boi. Luckily his 'mom' has just the thing to keep him occupied. If only Deceit planned ahead he wouldn't be in this mess. But this mess might be exactly what the Thomasphere needs as the division of sides has consequences no one could have foreseen.





	1. Oh Hi Mom!

"MOM!" Remus shouted as he barreled into the kitchen like a hyper doberman. Deceit glared at him over his shoulder as he placed the last of the cookies he made in the jar.

"You know I'm not your mother." he huffed and turned to face the pent-up side. Remus was pouting and miserable, on the verge of tears. In an instant, Deceit went into full mom mode. 

"What's wrong?" he asked gently. Remus sniffled, fighting back his frustrated tears.

"Roman locked me out of the imagination, Patton slammed the door in my face when I knocked, Logan's busy with his schedule, and no one wants me around!" Remus whined, "I want to do  _ something _ !"

"Have you checked in with Virgil?" 

"I know when my best friend wants to be alone! Even if he doesn't think I'm his best friend!"

"Do you want to clean? Your bathroom is filthy." Deceit suggested. Keeping the mindscape clean was a struggle that always landed on Deceit's shoulders, and sometimes Patton's. Remus could handle his own toilet.

"No! That's so boring! I'd probably just drink bleach! I want to be useful! I've been bursting with ideas—in my pants—and I'm going insane-r!" Remus argued and fell face first on the floor. 

"Can you get any more insane than usual? No. Why don't you go to your room and write some filthy smut. It should help you think."

"Okiee dokiee!" Remus cheered from the floor and sank out.

Deceit sighed and ran a hand down the human side of his face. What was he going to do with that one? He could only imagine what Patton would suggest–lock him up and throw away the key. Roman would react similarly. Logan would know what to do, and Virgil might have some insight–he was the only one who hung out with Remus before leaving.

Deceit sunk out and appeared in Virgil's room. The emo was lounging on his bed listening to music with his tarantula. How quaint. But the calm atmosphere shifted the second he spotted the intruder.

"What do you want?" Virgil interrogated and took off his headphones. The purely venomous glare would send the average side running—not Deceit.

"Nothing important, just a little chat." he shrugged.

"There's nothing I want to talk to you about." 

"Good then it'll make my issue the focus." Deceit jeered, "I have one question: How did you manage to calm Remus? His pent-up creative streak is a problem for everyone."

"Give him something to do. He used to bring the scenarios I came up with to life so I could be ready and work through them. Are you satisfied?" Virge answered bitterly and pet his spider's back, making it pure.

"Not at all." Deceit lied.

"Then get out." Virgil snarled. Deceit chuckled and sank out. He hated to disturb Logan while he was working, but this was an emergency. He needed more than just a task, he needed one that would psychologically challenge Remus, and for that he needed the side with an extensive background in psychology.

He appeared in an empty room—empty save for the books and papers littering every available surface. At least the bed was clear, as was the open closet.

Deceit wandered toward the closet, hoping to find Logan in there, taking inventory of his ties or something like that. It seemed like the logical thing to do after Deceit nabbed his old outfit.

But when he peered inside the logical side was nowhere to be found. How disappointing. All Deceit saw were clothes. He noted both Frankenstein's monster costumes hanging neatly in individual dress bags, a few black polos and jeans, and an odd cosplay that stood out, though it was certainly Logan's style. With all the murder mysteries he read, it came as no shock that Logan dressed up as Sherlock Holmes for fun.

Wait, Sherlock Holmes the detective? Murder mysteries?

A devious smile crossed Deceit's lips as a plan formed. He sank out with a brilliant idea.

"Remus!" he shouted when he appeared in the duke's room. It was surprisingly clean and orderly with gross body parts in pickling solution on a shelf over the desk. His morning star had its own wall perch nearby. And Remus was at his desk, typing away on a laptop.

He merely glanced up from his work and smiled at his guest.

"Hey there Medudesa!" he greeted with a bright grin, "Are you gonna beta my moceit fic?"

"Your what now!?—No, no. I have  _ every _ reason to ask."

"Moceit! It's a ship between—" Remus half-sang and wiggled his shoulder.

"Ssssstop! I came here with a project." Deceit held up a hand, causing Remus to freeze. The stillness lasted about five seconds before he was wiggling again.

"Ooh! Better than smut!?" Remus asked, bouncing in his seat. 

"Possibly. What I want you to do is create a few locked room mysteries. I demand complexity and detail. Be as gruesome as you desire as long as everything is intricately related to the case." Deceit answered plainly and studied the tips of his gloved fingers.

He didn't miss the way Remus lit up, how his eyes twinkled with delight. The unmatched joy radiating from the side practically vibrating in his seat was just so heartwarming, it took Deceit every ounce of self-control to keep up his disinterested guise.

"How hard should I make them?! As hard as my idea boner?!" Remus cheered. Deceit ran a hand down his face and sighed. He didn't plan this far ahead, but he had to make sure Remus was busy, so he spoke without thinking.

"Make them challenges for Logic. He'll appreciate a little fun." he shrugged and started to sink out, "And don't harm him, even if he knows it's not real."

Once Deceit was gone, Remus screeched gleefully and clapped his hands. He jolted up and danced around the room, unable to contain himself. He was going to make the best puzzles ever and Logan would have a blast solving them!


	2. Chicken, Logan, You're Just a Little Chicken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Deceit is a little bit less than sympathetic this time around... but the only villains here are ignorance and assumption_

The past week was like a vacation for Deceit. Sure the occasional cartoonish sound of hammers and saws permeated the mindscape, but a bit of noise was worth the calmness. Best of all, Remus was happy, genuinely happy. But there was a problem.

"Hey E, I'm almost done with the first room." Remus greeted him while he prepared dinner—it would take a few hours but it would be worth it. Deceit didn't look up from the stove, focused on making the best potato soup in the mindscape. Eat your heart out Patton!

"That's wonderful Remus!"

"Yeah! I can't wait til Logan sees it! He's gonna poop his pants!"

"Why?" Deceit asked hesitantly. He specifically asked for Logan to go through unharmed, but scaring him shitless wasn't off the table.

"Cuz he'll be thinking so hard!" Remus laughed, "His brain might explode too!" Deceit smiled and shook his head as Remus twirled and bounced around the kitchen. His boy was happier than he had been in months and it was so much better than what E initially intended with this task.

"You're more exuberant than usual."

"Of course! I just made a crime scene with blood and body parts and clues! Lots of clues and red herrings! It's already such a brain teaser!" Remus squealed and shimmied happily.

"I see. Then you've outdone yourself, and possibly even Roman if you aren't exaggerating."

"Really!?" the duke screeched and bounced on the balls of his feet.

"Indeed." E replied. Remus squealed and danced around the room, singing off-key, and thrilled to death.

"When can Logan come?" Remus asked in his fit of glee. Deceit internally cringed. He didn't think this through. But Logic could be reasoned with. Maybe he could save his skin.

"I have to double check. In the meantime, keep working on your next room. Show off that artistic prowess and make sure you smooth out the fine details." 

"Yes Mom!" Remus mock saluted before disappearing in a puff of green mist. Deceit plugged his nose and sank out to his own room. He needed to think without the scent of what once was a burrito.

* * *

Logan stood up from his desk and stretched his arms above his head. The schedule for the next three months was in place with room in case anything came up—he was ahead of schedule and he had no idea what to do with his free time, not that he didn't have options.

He scanned the books on the floor and sighed. Textbook after textbook, a few academic journals, that one book on emotional intelligence–there was nothing of interest. Even the books on the shelves weren't appealing–his Agatha Christie novels, the collected works of Doyle, not even his anthology of "The Shadow" comics!

He sat on his bed and considered taking a nap, but he had a sleep schedule to keep. Perhaps he could check in with Patton for a while, the father figure was always welcoming, but it would be emotionally draining to spend too much time with the ball of sunshine. Roman was another contender, but he was always working as much as Logan and he loathed having anyone interfere with his process.

Logan rubbed his eyes and adjusted his glasses. Perhaps he could spend time with Virgil debating cryptids and conspiracies in the common area. But one look at the clock told him that Virgil was most definitely asleep. And with little else to do, Logan groaned and unceremoniously flopped back on his mattress. He didn't think this could be any more cumbersome.

"Greetings, Logan!" Deceit said as he appeared. Okay so it could be more cumbersome. Logan day up and adjusted his glasses again before responding according to social conventions.

"Hello, Deceit. May I ask what you're doing here?" Logan asked and crossed his arms.

"Me?" Deceit gasped and brought a hand to his chest, "I just thought I'd stop by and visit my favorite teacher!" 

"That is the exact same argument Remus tried last week. What exactly are you two up to?" Logan pressed irately. Deceit's expression fell with his arm.

"Remus made a gift for you." he said plainly, "So do come along. We wouldn't want to see what happens when he's heartbroken."

"You expect me to believe that. And if it were true, why would I want to subject myself to any of Remus' creations. It's bad enough I have to deal with Roman's adventurous daydreams."

"Logan," Deceit warned in a low voice, "I assure you his gift is something you would enjoy. However I cannot return without you, lest the entire mindscape suffer. You think your prince is dramatic, my duke is far worse." Logan's arms fell to his sides and he took a step back instinctively. He knew Remus couldn't hurt him, but Deceit could if he wanted—twisted facts, skewed data, everything that could throw his insights and findings into question and derail his arguments. Deceit was easy to combat but it hurt to do so.

"Are we going to do this the easy way or the difficult way?" Deceit hissed, not moving from his spot. Logan swallowed thickly. This was what fear felt like.

"Logan nothing bad will happen if you agree to come with me. I wonder ask again. Are we going to do this the easy way or not?" E repeated and cracked his knuckles to ease his own tension. 

"I am staying here. Nothing you can do will scare me into submission." Logan stammered and backed up until his knees bumped his bed. Deceit let out a bitter laugh.

"You are a terrible liar, worse than I am."

"Get out." Logan ordered as his knees threatened to buckle.

"Despite my appearance and demeanor I have no intention of harming you. But I'm afraid you're coming with me." Deceit frowned and snapped his fingers.

He disappeared, taking Logan with him.


	3. Let's Go Eat, Haaahh?

Logan blinked and glanced around the room. He was clearly not in a familiar part of the mindscape, but it was far from threatening. He was in a kitchen similar to the one he frequented. The only difference was the color scheme: green walls and orange cutlery with the occasional turtle-themed dish. And standing by the stove, stirring a large pot, was the side who dragged him here.

"You're in my world now, not your world, if you haven't figured it out." Deceit answered the question lingering in the air. Logan quirked an eyebrow at him and pushed his glasses back where they belonged on his nose. Deceit paid him no mind, flicking his forked tongue out over the pot and humming to himself in thought. 

"You brought me here because Remus made something for me. What am I up against?"

"Needs more pepper—oh, he created a few locked room scenarios. Act like you're excited to see what they are." Deceit answered and glanced around the room in search of his pepper grinder.

"Locked room scenarios, as in—" Logan began to ask, only pausing when he tried to run his hand through his hair. He was not wearing a trench coat, or long sleeves for that matter, when he left. He glanced down at the pockets and saw his scarf and detective hat settled neatly inside.

"—homicide cases with no obvious solution?"

"Hmm? Yes, what else? You think I would lock you alone in a room with Remus just to torment you?" Deceit chuckled absentmindedly, having found his pepper grinder–it had a snake etched on the side.

"It isn't improbable. You are capable."

"But as you see, I lack motivation." Deceit responded idly as he seasoned his dish.

"If you're not interested in harming anyone, why the use of force?"

"Force? That’s one way of phrasing it, I suppose.” he mused, “It is essential for Remus to have something to do or else he hinders everyone else's work. He needs intellectual stimulation."

"So?"

"It was my idea for him to make the scenes. I told him to make them challenging for you, and he took it as you would be interested in completing one."

"You didn't think to mention that in my room?"

"I did, but the kitchen is calmer, thanks to the lovely shade of pear and the scent of food, which I would hate to burn. That’s another reason I was short with you."

"Mentioning more detail might have prevented the need to kidnap me.” Logan argued.

“How did you phrase it again?” Deceit tapped his chin and mimicked Logan’s voice and intonation perfectly, “‘You expect me to believe that?’” Logan bristled and flushed out of sheer embarrassment. 

“If you couldn’t believe the premise, why would I try to reason details with you?” he hummed, “But now that you are fully informed, would you be so kind as to humor Remus, just this once? We both know this is right up your alley, and a step above mere LARPing.”

“What do I get out of it?”

“Spoken like a true egoist. I can’t offer much except dinner, wine, maybe a reasonable debate, and the opportunity to stretch your intellectual prowess while also benefiting those around you who have a schedule to keep, and I know exactly how much you strive for everything to occur on schedule.” Deceit smirked and watched Logan fall apart internally. His usual stubborn resolve only had so many weak points and Deceit knew which ones would hit him hardest without resorting to a certain jelly.

“Pinot Noir, we debate the fall of Rome.” Logan huffed, trying to regain some internal composure. Deceit nodded with a smile.

“Shall I call him in? He’s been so excited to show off his creation to someone who's clever enough fully appreciate it." Deceit hummed and held back a smirk. Logan stood a little prouder, always one for basking in the glow of praise. 

"Please do." Logan ceded. Deceit chuckled softly and snapped his fingers. 

"What's up, Mom?" Remus greeted as he appeared. Of course, he got one look at Logan and squealed. The duke looked as messy as ever and he certainly needed to used that deodorant instead of eating it, nothing out of the ordinary, except for one thing. The twinkle in his eyes, it was so familiar, so reminiscent of Roman when he had an idea he was proud of, Logan almost let his guard down. Almost, the mustache and smell kept him from forgetting his reality. 

"Ah, Remus, hello." Logan greeted with a fake smile.

"Hi! Oh my god are you Sherlocked and loaded and ready to solve a murder?" the duke chuckled and shimmied happily, rocking from side to side.

"As I'll ever be." Logan responded and adjusted his glasses.

"Remus, did you remember my conditions?" Deceit asked from his place at the stove, stirring his creation.

"Yes Mom!" Remus groaned, letting his shoulders sag, "No hurting Logan! I wasn't going to anyway!"

"Excellent. Be back before dinner." Deceit chuckled at flicked his forked tongue out over the pot again to gauge which spices he needed to add.

"You got it Cobrah!" Remus laughed and grabbed Logan's hand, sinking out with him. Logan paled, wondering what he got himself into.


	4. You're My Favorite Customer, Part 1

Logan rose up with Remus in a hallway full of doors numbered up to five. Four of them were marked with caution tape and signs that read: "Under Construction." Door number one was free to enter, and it was the most stylized out of them all.

"Is there anything I should be cautious of?"

* * *

"Yeah, don't step in any blood, be careful with the luminol, and don't eat anything." Remus laughed. Logan pouted and crossed his arms.

"Are you bringing my integrity as a detective into question?" he huffed.

"Nope! Just a friendly reminder!" Remus hummed and fished through his pockets in search of something. He beamed when he pulled out a black square watch and put it on Logan's wrist.

"What—?"

"It's your handy dandy record! Press the button on the side and a hologram will pop up like a touchscreen. You're gonna need it in there!” the duke added with a wink. Logan eyed him suspiciously and pressed the button. Nothing happened.

“You gotta go inside first!" Remus groaned, "Aren't you supposed to be good with directions?" Logan deadpanned and held up his hands.

"I require gloves to begin the investigation. I cannot contaminate the scene with my prints." 

"Ooh! Professional!" Remus cooed and snapped his fingers, "Feel free to use those gloves to examine this body when you're done!" He winked for added measure, mostly to be a little shit.

"That is not going to happen." Logan huffed and promptly opened the door. He stepped inside the shrouded room and closed the door behind him. He couldn’t believe he was trusting Remus not to harm him in such a situation. Then again, what harm could he do? 

Based on the rancid scent that hit him out of nowhere, Logan decided Remus could cause some mental scarring. He glanced at his feet and jolted.

There was a woman in her early 50s, sprawled out, face down, on the floor, with a pool of blood around her head. Logan concluded quickly that she was dead. And then his watch beeped. And turned on.

"Hello detective. Welcome to your latest assignment." a holographic Remus dressed as a police chief said, far too seriously, "The victim in this case is one Mrs. Kara Meltorte, co-owner of Sweetie Pie Bakery. Investigate the body so we can get her to the coroner's. The report should be ready while you investigate." 

Logan blinked as the screen shut off. He opted to get a quick glance around the room. It was a basic bakery kitchen with three rows of counters ovens, a stove, a sink and a fridge. The body at his feet and an annoying beeping caught his attention. 

"My apologies, Mrs. Meltorte." Logan said as he crouched beside the body. His eyes landed on a large, shallow gash on her forehead. He considered based on the location of the wound that blunt force trauma could be the cause of death, but there were signs of prior scabbing around the wound, as if it had only been reopened.

And then he noticed her left hand was balled around something peeking through her first two fingers. Carefully he eased the object from her grasp, it was a piece of paper with the word “CALE” written on it. He stared at it, perplexed.

What on earth could it mean?

_BEEP_

Was CALE a code?

_BEEP_

Was it a name?

_BEEP_

Did Mrs. Meltorte name a witness? Then where was the marker? 

_BEEP_

Did she name her killer? That would explain the missing pen.

_BEEP_

How far did the killer get? 

_BEEP_

A chill ran down his spine at the thought. 

_BEEP_

“Whoo boy!” Remus laughed, causing Logan to jolt to his feet and glare at the duke, who was happily twirling around in an open trench coat. Logan could consider himself lucky the duke opted for slacks and a shirt as well.

“What are you doing here?” Logan huffed, frazzled and embarrassed for reacting so quickly, not that he would admit it aloud.

“No good detective goes in without back-up!” Remus laughed, “And I wanted a front row seat to your dediction skills!”

“Deduction.” Logan corrected over the incessant beeping. He would have to find its source once he got back to investigating.

“Dediction. I came up with it myself, I'm basically Chaucer! I wanna watch you break down the crime and my puns! I think you’ll like them!” he cheered and wiggled his shoulders. Logan rolled his eyes. Puns.

“That has yet to be seen, and if you are to be my assistant, we need to set a few ground rules.”

“Besides no touching without gloves, no spilling more blood, no staring at that ass, and no eating anything?”

“Yes.” Logan deadpanned, “Don’t sneak up on me, and refrain from more innuendos. This is a crime scene not a bar.” 

“So if the scene were a bar I could say all the juicy stuff?” 

“No. Unless you mean the juicy details of the case, in which case I encourage you to keep talking.”

“But that ruins the fun of investigating!” 

“Also, why did you only show up now?”

“I have a coroner’s report.” Remus beamed.

“But the body—” Logan began, only to look down and find the body was gone and instead replaced by a tape outline.

“Yup! The team moved in quick. We got pictures too in case you need another look. They’re all in your record!” 

"In that case," Logan said as he glanced around the room, "Let's find the source of that racket. It could be a freezer alarm or perhaps a burglar alarm." Remus smirked and shook his head,

"Find it yourself, Wolverine!"

Logan rolled his eyes and threw his head back to examine the ceiling. The fire alarms were dormant as was the carbon monoxide detector. 

"Do you have contact with the security company?" Logan asked, "I need to know the alarm data."

"Of course! Check your watch! I made it just for you after all!" Remus laughed and snapped his fingers. Logan pressed the button on his watch and eyes the holo-screen. There were three files available, People, Evidence, and Information. He pressed the Information button and was rewarded with a short list of the data he could use. He tapped the alarm report and read over it while Remus watched, holding back his glee. 

"The alarm was never set today. The victim's phone would be on her person." Logan grumbled as he cross-referenced his assertion. With the facts in place, he shut off the watch and carefully stepped over the tape to inspect the rest of the room.

The beeping steadily grew louder, as if it weren't loud enough, as Logan neared the ovens. The timer on the further one was going off. Despite the need to preserve the scene, Logan hastily turned it off and sighed when met with silence. And Remus humming to himself. 

"The timer," Logan mumbled and pressed his hand against the oven door, "But the oven is off. Remus," he turned to the other, "Were there any witnesses?"

"Oh sure! You want me to bring them in? My officers have them detained in the storefront." 

"That would be excellent. I want you to bring them in one at a time, however, so they can't feed off Each other's stories. I have no intention of making my job harder."

"Ooh someone's getting into it! You're making me harder!" 

"Remus. The first witness." Logan ordered. Remus laughed and snapped his fingers. And then the first witness came through the double doors.


	5. You're My Favorite Customer, Part 2

The first witness was a middle-aged woman with bleached hair and a scowl that could kill. Logan had the sneaking suspicion she wasn't on the scene until the investigation started. 

"Good evening—"

"Good my ass! I get pulled over on my way home and dragged back here! If you have questions ask them." 

"Okay," Logan said and adjusted his glasses, "I only just arrived, so I would like to know your name and relationship with the victim."

"Victim?" she paled. Logan nodded solemnly while Remus wiggled in the background, too happy that everything was going according to plan to care about appearing unsympathetic.

"Yes, didn't they tell you? Mrs. Kara Meltorte was killed. And if you could cooperate with the investigation, we can put her killer behind bars." The woman's eyes went wide and her jaw went slack. 

"She's dead? Oh god, and I told her to kiss my ass before I left?" she breathed in disbelief.

"Ma'am." 

"What?!" she snapped and then recoiled at Logan's stern expression. 

"Ma’am, if you could tell me your name and your relationship to Mrs. Meltorte. If you could try and recall the events of today, we can speed up the investigation.”

“My name is Sheryl Danish, and I am the co-owner of this establishment.” she huffed and crossed her arms. Logan took a deep breath, he knew the type of witness he was dealing with.

“Could you please walk me through the events of the day?” he asked, pulling his virtually useless notepad from his pocket. Every good detective should take notes! Remus watched curiously from his perch and waited.

“I came in this morning at 10am. Kara was just leaving after handling the morning rush. It was an ordinary day, baked, took orders, made sales, kicked out a group of loud kids. Kara came back for her 5pm shift a few minutes early. We discussed business related things and I left to run some errands and visit my sister.” 

“Could you elaborate on the topics that were discussed?”

“Finances, the group of kids I kicked out. She called the cops on them when they wouldn’t leave. She was always too soft on them.” Sheryl explained with clear exasperation in her voice. Logan took that as a sign that she was through talking. A shame.

“Thank you for your time, if you could, please wait in the front until the investigation is complete.”

“Sure.” she huffed and walked out, muttering under her breath about stupid procedures, wasted time, and not enough coffee.

“Sherri is a piece of work!” Remus whistled, “I didn’t realize I made a grouch out of her!”

“Indeed.” Logan huffed, “Send in the next witness. Hopefully they’ll be more willing to talk.” Remus snapped his fingers and shimmied happily. The next person to walk in was a boy, in his mid-teens, he was shaking and wide-eyed.

“What did you put in his head?” Logan questioned Remus. The duke shrugged and waved him back into his role.

“Hello. I’m Detective Sanders. I have reason to believe you know something about this incident.”

“Me? I didn’t see anything!” the boy yelped, “I was just going home and I got dragged into this.”

“What’s your name?”

“Cale Salat. I’m 17. You don’t have the right to question a minor.”

“I have the right to question everyone.” Logan answered firmly, “But I can assure you that I won’t get you in trouble if you cooperate.” Cale shook his head and curled into himself. The poor thing looked ready to burst into tears at any second.

“Don’t tell my parents.” Cale whimpered.

“I won’t tell them.”

“Okay, what do you need to know.”

“I’d like to know your movements this evening.”

“Okay. I snuck out a little after 1am, and I came here looking for Mrs. Meltorte. I got here around 1:20, and the door was open, so I peeked inside. There was blood on the floor, and she had a gash on her forehead. She looked exhausted, and who wouldn’t be with all the cookies she had to make.”

“Before you continue, could you tell me why you came looking for the victim.”

“My friends and I got carried away on Friday and she called the cops on us when we refused to leave. I was hoping I could apologize. She’s usually here real late taking care of orders. She had a big one she was working on.”

“And you harbor no ill will toward her?”

“No! I saw the gash and hurried in to help her clean it up.” Cale gasped, absolutely affronted. Logan nodded and pretended to write down notes on the situation. While he listened carefully, he was hard at work dissecting the puns that Remus so graciously threw at him. 

“Was she still bleeding when you saw her?” he asked, calmly, though he was internally screaming. Kara Meltorte was the absolute worst name Remus could come up with. 

“No, it was dried up but there was a stream down her face. She let me wipe it off before telling me to go home. I didn’t want any more trouble, so I left.”

“What was she baking?”

“Spice cookies. She had three batches cooling on the counter over there before I left and she had just put one in the oven, and a batch of dough still in a bowl.” He pointed across the room at a counter with four full cookie sheets on it. Logan made a mental note to look into the recipe once the autopsy came in. 

“Around what time did you leave?”

“Two minutes later, she was busy and didn’t have time to talk. So I went to my friend’s place.”

“Can this friend confirm your alibi?”

“Yes.”

“They were so totally boning!” Remus shouted.

“Ew! No! She’s like a sister to me! We were playing video games with her girlfriend!” Cale snapped and glared at Remus, who was far too happy with his little outburst. Logan had to stifle a giggle--even his own creations couldn’t handle too much Remus.

“Did you notice anything unusual?”

“I swore I saw someone headed toward the bakery but I didn’t get a good look at them.”

“Alright. Unless there’s anything else I should know, I’ll ask you to wait in the front while we continue to investigate.” Logan instructed. Cale nodded and left. 

Logan’s attention turned swiftly to Remus, and he stormed up to the other side. Remus swallowed thickly and yelped as he was dragged off the counter by the ear.

“You will refrain from making suggestive commentary about those involved with the case, including me. Got it?”

“Yes sir!” Remus whined lewdly. Logan released him and tried to brace himself for the innuendos he would have to deal with.

“Excellent. I need luminol fluid and a blacklight, stat.” Logan hummed. Remus flicked his wrist and conjured a spray bottle. He gave it a quick squeeze to make sure it would spray, accidentally hitting the mixers, and handed it over with a smirk.

“You know, if you spray this in my bedroom, it’ll be like walking into a rave.”

“With the chaos you cause, I would expect more than blood.” Logan retorted and brushed past Remus toward the outline. He sprayed around the body tape and made his way toward the sink, covering the floor and cabinets as he went.

“Spray harder!” Remus moaned, “Teach me a lesson I’ll never forget!”

“Lesson one, come up with better puns. I don’t think I’ve ever loathed caramel torte as much as I do now.”

“Come on! Sheri Danish was a good one! And Cale Salat? It’s a double pun.”

“Blacklight, Rem.” Logan huffed, “Before I lose what little appetite I have left.” Remus pouted and conjured a black light. He also took it upon himself to dim the lights when he handed it to Logan.

The odd blue light cast an eerie air across the kitchen. Logan stared at the sink with no emotion on his face. Glowing blue traces of blood splattered the steel basin. But confusion took over his features as he neared the outline. There wasn’t a speck of blood to be found near the body outline.

“Hey teach! Shine that back over here!” Remus called him from his ponderings. Logan shined the light on the mixers and gasped. A faint blue glow was coming off the furthest mixer. He hurried closer and inspected it more fully. A wingnut on the mixing attachment was bright blue, smeared with blood. It was sharp enough it could cause some injury but nothing too serious.

“I believe we have the cause of the head injury.” Logan mumbled and switched his light off. Remus happily illuminated the room again and did a happy dance. 

“Do you have the report yet?” Logan asked, “We need to establish a cause of death before moving forward now that it’s clear it wasn’t blunt force trauma.

“Sure do!” Remus chuckled, “It’s in your records. Basically there was some struggle, but in the end she died from asphyxiation at 1:27am. Nasty way to go, I’ve tried it myself.”

“As a means of self-harm or sexual experimentation?” Logan quipped before he could stop himself.

“Both!” Remus beamed, “But you wanted me to save the juicy stuff for later.”

“Indeed. So she suffocated, but fought back and failed. But who did it and with what?"

"Well there's that note and Cale was the only one who saw the person going to the bakery," Remus hummed darkly, "Can't rule out that he's not being honest." 

"I would like to find the murder weapon or more evidence before accusing a child." Logan responded, "I'd like to ask Mrs. Danish a few more questions. Specifically about these cookies. I have a feeling they are crucial to this case.” Remus nodded sharply and snapped his fingers, letting his tongue poke out of the corner of his mouth. This would be fun!


	6. You're My Favorite Customer, Part 3

“What is it now?” Sheri snapped as she stormed into the room again. Logan steeled himself and adjusted his tie. He had to question her again, despite his better judgement. And he couldn’t back out now with Remus watching so expectantly. 

“I was hoping you would know the recipe for these cookies.” Logan said and motioned to the four trays. Sheri’s eyes bugged from her skull and her jaw ticked. 

“At a time like this!? Why would I share that with you?!”

“I merely require the amount of time each batch needs in the oven, and any information you can give me on the timers here.”

“They take fifteen minutes to bake. The timer beeps constantly when it goes off. Is that all?”

“Why did you leave your business partner with such a large project?”

“You clearly have never worked in a bakery. This is a standard project, five batches of cookies is nothing!” She huffed. Logan peered at her over the rim of his glasses and sighed.

“I understand that it’s late and you’re tired. You may return to the front and rest until we’re through. On your way out, I’ll ask you to send Cale back in.”

“The hooligan who always listens in to private business conversations? Are you gonna arrest him?”

“No. Not without more information. Now then, if you don’t mind Mrs. Danish.” Logan responded and motioned to the door. She scowled and stormed out. When she was gone, Logan turned to Remus. 

“Was it necessary to make her so, ahem, pleasant?”

“Nope! She’s evolved so I have limited control over her. She’ll talk, and she won’t physically attack you, but verbally, well let’s just say if words could kill you would be annihilated.” Remus answered, tapping his fingers against his thumb, “Like the Dragon Witch only less attractive.”

“You would consider having relations with the Dragon Witch?” Logan questioned with a frown.

“Yeppers! I’m not blind! And she’s really good with her tail! 10/10 would—”

“Consider saving that for later. We’re in the middle of the investigation.” Logan cut him off, “So for the time being, consider the implications of being a statue.” Remus took that to heart and froze on the spot, wearing an uncomfortably alert expression. Logan turned his back to the duke and waited.

“Is there something else you wanna ask?” Cale asked as he entered the room again. Logan half-smiled and nodded.

“I have reason to believe you know more about this establishment than you let on. I wanted to ask you about what you know regarding the business relationship between Mrs. Meltorte and Mrs. Danish.”

“Well, they used to get along really well. But then Mrs. M. noticed something wrong with the money side of things. Last week she and Mrs. D. were in a fight in the back.” Cale said, letting his voice drop so no one else could hear him, “I heard everything. Mrs. M. accused Mrs. D. of embezzling funds and warned her that if she didn’t have proof in a week that she wasn’t the problem, she would end their partnership and run the bakery on her own.”

“That,” Logan said as hair eyebrows rose, “is invaluable information. I’ll be sure to look into it.”

“Is that all?”

“I wanted to confirm with you that you saw three trays on the counter, one in the oven, and a batch of dough waiting to be made.”

“Yes.”

“And as for the person you noticed, did anyone else see them?”

“No, but I can tell you that they were tall, maybe like 6ft and they were bulky, probably a man." 

"Interesting. Also one last thing, do you know of any reason why the victim would have your name written down?"

"What? No! Why would she?" Cale yelped. 

"Perhaps you should wait up front again. I'll call you in if I need you." Logan said while adjusting his glasses. Cale winced and left. Logan sighed, he would need proof that the other person existed, or that Cale was the killer. He didn’t find either scenario likely. But he had a little more investigating to do.

"Remus, give me the luminol and the blacklight." he ordered. Remus hadn’t moved a muscle since Logan suggested he be a statue. Logan glared at him. It was the kind of icy death glare reserved for Roman when he got too loud, or Patton when he got too cuddly, or Virgil when he wouldn’t stop filling everyone’s heads with worry. Remus swallowed thickly and stumbled backward, conjuring the tools Logan wanted. Logan approached him briskly and took the spray and light.

“Whatcha think of, Teach?” Remus asked as he followed Logan to the sink. Logan sprayed the pile of bowls that were clearly recently washed and handed the luminol to Remus.

“If there were supposed to be five batches, and only four are present, I want to find out what happened to the fifth one.” Logan explained, “And knowing that the victim was injured on her equipment, chances are she bled into the batch she was mixing. If I can find that bowl, perhaps I can locate the missing dough.”

“Why does that matter?” Remus asked.

“Because dough is moldable, thick, and could be used to suffocate a person. We cannot find the murder weapon, so it follows either the killer took it with them, or it’s hidden in plain sight.” Logan answered and turned on the black light. Remus hummed curiously and dimmed the lights. Logan was not surprised to see the blue traces left inside the bowl closest to him.

“Remus, check to make sure both ovens are empty. If they are, I need you to go outback to the dumpsters and search them. If you find the spice cookie dough, send it to the lab for DNA analysis.”

“Okiee dokiee! Anything else before I go home?”

“Are there any other witnesses?”

“There’s one. He should be here in, 3. 2. 1.” Remus hummed just as the door slammed open. 

“Who gave you the right to hold my wife here at this hour?!”

“There he is!” Remus sang as he skipped to the ovens, “He’s a testy one! Better not keep him waiting.” He winked at Logan and peeked into the ovens. Logan rolled his eyes and steeled his nerves.

“Ah, good evening, Sir. I apologize for the inconvenience at such a late hour, however by law I have to keep the witnesses on sight to complete this murder investigation.” Logan explained calmly. 

“She’s been awake for twenty-four hours! That is no way to treat a human being!”

“That is news to me, I assure you. Fortunately the investigation is nearly finished, Mr.—”

“Chaz Danish.” Chaz responded curtly. Logan wasn’t ready to accuse or suspect him of anything, but given his height and broad stature, the implications that his wife was involved in fraud, and that his eyes were locked on the oven, well he couldn’t rule the man out as a suspect yet.

“If you could tell me what you were doing tonight around 1am, we can get you and your wife home quicker.” Logan entreated calmly despite the glare he received in return. He heard a happy yelp from outside, clearly Remus, and refocused on his witness.

“I don’t have to say shit. You're not getting a thing to implicate me or my wife.” 

“You don’t have to, but it’s in your best interest to cooperate. If you're not the killer, you have nothing to fear. Why the reluctance?"

“What’s that supposed to mean? Are you really trying to threaten me you scrawny little bitch?”

“Not at all." Logan answered, "I don't want to leave anything to chance. If I can gather more information I can lessen the chance of indicting the wrong person. Murder is a heavy charge." 

"I have no one to collaborate my alibi, I was at home waiting for Sheri. I have no reason to kill Kara." Chaz snarled. 

"As you are related to the establishment, and have an indirect relation to the victim, any information you have surrounding her would be useful. Surely there's something you can tell me." 

"Yeah, piss the fuck off!" Chaz snapped and grabbed Logan by the throat. Logan immediately latched onto his arm and pressed his thumb into the crook of his attacker's elbow. With a deadpan expression he squeezed until Chaz cried out in pain and released him, stumbling back.

"Woah!" Remus shouted and froze the scene. He ran to Logan's side and immediately examined his neck.

"I thought you said no one would harm me." Logan huffed.

"He wasn't going to! It was a scare tactic!" Remus gasped, thoroughly insulted. Logan pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. 

"I suppose now that I caused him pain, I've counteracted the safety protocol you integrated." 

"Yeah, but I can fix it. You just need to check your watch before I do. He's not gonna let it spill now." Remus pouted. 

"Weren't you supposed to be in the dumpster?" Logan commented as he brought up the holo-screen. 

"The information is in your system." Remus pouted and sank to the ground. Logan would deal with his tantrum later. Instead he went through his evidence and was mildly surprised to find two new entries: the dough and a contract. He opened the contract file and skimmed it.

"This is incredibly damning." Logan commented, "If Kara dies Sheri gets full ownership of the bakery, and vice versa. And because Sheri is at risk of losing her claim, she has a motive. But her alibi is solid. But she's not the only one who has something to lose in this." 

"Nope." 

"All Kara needed was evidence of embezzlement to terminate the contract. In which case, it's safe to assume she has evidence stored away somewhere." 

"The only secure place she could get to is the safe near the registers in the front." Remus added bitterly, "It's a five-digit lock." 

"Then the killer was after the evidence as well." Logan mumbled and opened the file on the dough.

"Traces of the victim's blood and skin, and DNA belonging to Chaz Danish. Just out of curiosity, did you design him with a criminal record?" 

"Yes." 

"This is impressively intricate, I must say I'm impressed.” Logan commented and eyed Remus fondly. He could have sworn he saw the signs of a blush under the layer of dirt on the duke’s face. Remus beamed and got to his feet.

“Do you want to deliver the final blow? There’s still one mystery left to solve!”

“You’re referring to the slip of paper with the name ‘Cale’ written on it, correct. I believe I’ve solved that one too. 31125. The combination for the safe in the front. We’ll find the proof Kara left behind.”

“Your brain is really something! I want to lick it.”

“My brain will remain undisturbed in my skull. Shall we finish the simulation?”

“If you want, but I can’t promise Chazy won’t attack now. I should have known you’d be a hardass, I’m hard for that ass.” Remus shrugged. Logan gave him a once over and shook his head.

“You are far from aroused. And I think it’s time to return to the mindscape.”

“Glad to see you’re still hunting for evidence!” Remus chuckled and took Logan’s hand gently. Logan was surprised but went with it.

In an instant they returned to the hallway where they had started, dressed in their usual attire. Logan glanced around and noticed the door next to him was marked as solved. He checked his watch and winced. It was late and the others would probably notice his absence.

“That was fun!” Remus sang and wiggled his shoulders. Logan nodded and offered a rare smile.

“It was quite enjoyable. I wouldn’t mind solving another crime sometime.” Remus froze with tears in his eyes. His usually impish grin was so soft, so proud, Logan would be damned if he didn’t accept Remus’ next offer.

“Wanna stick around for dinner? Mom made extra!”


	7. What a Story Mom!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I forgot to post this chapter on here like an idiot._

It was strange to be seated at a table with Remus and Deceit, but strange in a good way. Logan knew the benefits of social dining from his usual company, but it was different here, calmer. He tossed a chunk of bread into his mouth and listened, amazed at the few insults being thrown in conversation.

“And then Patton came by looking for you, Logan.” Deceit hummed between mouthfuls of soup, “I told him you were entertaining Remus by playing detective with him.” 

“Did he believe you?”

“You were able to finish the room. You tell me.” Deceit replied with a smirk. Remus stuck his tongue out and pretended to gag.

“Remus, if you think the soup is that terrible why did you ask me to make it?” Deceit pouted. Remus stopped immediately and held up his hands,

“No! No! Just the thought of Patton in one of the rooms makes me sick!”

“Is there some issue you have with Patton?” Logan asked without any hint of emotion, as if emotions would get him the truth!

“Yeah, he’s always telling me everything I do is bad, why would I want him near my stuff just so he can tell me it’s bad too? My ideas aren't unicorn horns and dragon tails but they're still my babies. I can handle shit talk about me, but not my babies.” 

“You underestimate Patton,” Deceit hummed, “He is even more conflicted than Logan here.”

“Excuse me?” Logan coughed. Deceit rolled his eyes.

“Take this the wrong way, you are incredibly conflicted about your job in conjunction with your emotions and leisure.” he answered and gave Logan a pitying look, “Everyone who pays any attention can see that.” 

“Yup! They all know!” Remus added, “But no one there knows what to say or do without upsetting the balance.”

“And you two aren’t?”

“We upset the balance by bringing you here. Telling you that everyone can see you’re struggling pales in comparison to what’s already happened to you.”

“And what exactly are you referring to?”

“You’re not scared of us anymore.” Deceit said with a hint of a smile, “You’ve begun to see us less as the other and more as other sides.” 

"I've never been afraid of you." Logan shot back before biting his tongue. Deceit frowned and rolled his eyes. 

"When I came to retrieve you, you were absolutely thrilled, not scared at all." E droned. Logan went rigid and turned a charming shade of shameful scarlet. Remus snickered and then pouted, understanding the implications of what Deceit said.

"Despite his willingness when he arrived, our dear Logic was quite taken aback by my abrupt arrival this morning. Not to worry, Remus, the only truly scary side is Virgil.” 

“Virgil isn’t scary.” Logan countered before thinking. Sure the emo was bitter, crass, and mean, but he couldn’t think of Virgil as inherently scary, even after the Halloween video.

“He’s the embodiment of fear, Logan, it’s his job and in his nature.” Deceit countered, “And Remus has stories.”

“Ooh! Ooh! Can I tell them?! Can I!? Can I!?” Remus cheered, jumping up from his seat. If Deceit weren’t there, those ramblings would have already started. 

“It would be beneficial to my character study. I find it best to know what to expect from the other sides. For instance, I can expect a harsh nickname from both you and Roman when I get too in depth with my explanations.”

“And while I am fascinated by all this, I must point out you’re doing just that, but please tell me more when Remus isn’t blue in the face.” Deceit cut in and motioned to the duke. He was holding his breath, ready to burst with his tale. Logan winced, he should have paid more attention to the duke’s unpredictable nature. 

“Go ahead, Remus, I’ll be back with wine.” Deceit hummed and stood, gathering the empty dishes and placing them in the sink to wash later. Logan offered him a half-smile, happy to see Deceit would be keeping up the end of the bargain. 

“Okiee dokiee! Let me tell you all about the time I pissed him off and he made me think I was Roman!" Remus giggled as Deceit headed down the hall. 

Deceit squared his shoulders as the hallway darkened. He was more than aware that the trip to his room would have an unforeseen obstacle. He found he was right when he reached his door. The shadow leaning against it was tense.

"Virgil what a pleasant surprise." he droned and crossed his arms, "Come out and say hello." The figure kicked off the wall, letting the shadows fall away from his form. Deceit would have preferred he stay cloaked simply from his expression.

"Is he hurt?" 

"You wouldn't believe me if I say no, so, yes, absolutely without a doubt!" Deceit answered with more venom in his voice than he thought possible. Virgil sneered and crossed his arms. 

"Let him come back and never bring him here again." 

"But holding him captive is so much fun!" Deceit droned, "He's far more pleasant than the last one to leave. He'll return on his own time. Now why don't you run along and play lapdog." 

"I'm not a lapdog!"

"And I don't have scales. You ran to the one side who would coddle you, let your problems fester deep inside. They don’t know the whole truth, do they?” Deceit retorted and leaned against the wall cockily. Watching Virgil wince and wilt was as soothing as pulling teeth.

“Run along now, you’ll have your Logic back in tact. Stop by if you ever want to work on your issues.” he added. Virgil sank out bitterly, unblocking the entrance to Deceit’s room. Deceit rolled his shoulders and sighed to himself. He truly missed Virgil, and every biting word tore through him, but he couldn’t do much else to fix what Virgil broke. That bottle of wine would be bittersweet, just like every victory thus far. But he couldn’t dwell on misery, Logan and Remus were waiting for him.


	8. I Did Not Hit Him! I Did Naaaaaaaaaaaaaht

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _yes Virgil has abusive tendencies. Did he realize what he did was abusive? No. Did he try to fix it? Yes. Is he going to be abusive later in the fic? No._

"He made you think you were Roman?" Logan asked Remus while Deceit went for the wine. Remus nodded rapidly with a bright grin. 

"It was about six years ago, back when I had a say in some of the vines. I just added a little something at the end of him singing Bootylicious that we didn't plan on. Virge saw it after we posted it and let's just say he was angrier than a three-legged raccoon with rabies and a dildo up his butt." 

"That is quite a colorful metaphor." Logan noted and scooted back from the table, anticipating Remus to jump onto it and regale his tale. He did no such thing. Instead he vaulted over it and landed a few feet away, posing dramatically. 

"Colorful you say? I think seeing is believing, and unlike the rest of you, I won't fuck the truth, even with consent!" Remus said low and dastardly as he willed a large oval of green fog next to him. 

"Take a look and see for yourself, a depressing reality too Grimm for even me!" he declared, urging Logan to look into the scene as it unfolded. 

Scare Bear was so angry last night, and I just don't see why–that video was brilliant! Princey didn't fight me on it for once—but little Static Shocking hated it, he was embarrassed but at least he didn't get physical just really mean. It could be so much worse.

And then I open my eyes. I know this is not my room, but how I got into the castle in my sleep is beyond me. And I think I better get out of here before Roman attacks me for being in his room. 

I get out of bed and just stare at my feet. Since when did I steal Prissy's clothes? White and red flannel was so last Christmas—I gave you my heart, the very next day you—chopped it up and made a meat pie! In London! The worst pies in London!  _ If you want to puke, go for horny improper a duke! Try the priest! _ Oh! I should fix up my moostash before I escape!

I get up and check the mirror in the bathroom and I nearly shit myself—my mustache is gone, my gorgeous gray hairs are as brown as the shit currently on call to fill my tighty yellowies. My battle scar bruises, healed–I scream. Dear God I broke a window. I don't scream like that! Though I should probably clean up the glass, it's got a nice crunchy flavor.

But no, Virgil bursts in, looking hella cute with the fresh eyeliner—I do good work! Mr. Monochrome emo sees me and frowns.

"Isn't it a little early to practice playing the victim, Princey?"

"Princey?" Ooh that is not my voice! "Don't play dumb, it's Remus!" 

"Remus? I don't know who you're talking about, Roman. There's no one here named Remus." 

"But I'm right here!" 

"Roman, drop it. You're not being cute with this whole I am my characters bull. Why don't you try bugging Dad or Logan?" 

"I'm Remus! Roman's twin brother!"

"Not falling for it Princey." he hisses and sinks out. Now I am very confused. 

The mind likes to trick itself. I'm Creativity, what if I got so attached to a character I created that I started conjuring a form for my dark side and what if I am Roman and Remus was just a self projection? 

No! That's ridiculous! I know! I'll just will myself back to normal and—what gives!? It's not working. Am I losing it? Again!? I better talk to Mom, he knows what to do! Wait. Mom is Deceit so he might not give a gay answer. To the others I go!

I rise up in the upstairs common area and who do I see? Daddy kink and the sexy nerd! They'll be able to tell me what's going on! Yeah! Oh my god waffles! They smell like the Titans tower! Better than the Titans toenails! 

"There you are Roman!" St. Patton greets me. Well shit. Then Gray Matter-of-fact looks over and grunts. He needs coffee and someone to pull the stick out of his butt. 

"Uh, what?" 

"Roman please."

I focus on my room and sink out. 

And it's Roman's room. Maybe I am losing it. This is my room I know it is but it's still the castle room. Maybe I am Roman and I just got caught up making Remus! 

"Remus I urge you to stop." Logan pleaded, backing away from the portal. Remus closed it and pouted.

"What's wrong Teach?" 

"That was a gaslighting tactic, and highly abusive. While I respect and understand your propensity for darker themes in storytelling, I refuse to sit by and explore any past trauma of yours in such a light-hearted setting."

"Trauma? I guess that's why Mom flipped shit! It was the first time something like that happened, but boy oh boy was he enraged!" 

"Excuse me?" Logan gawked, fixing his glasses to make sure he heard right.

"Oh yeah, when I was stuck as Roman I went to him next. He knew immediately and really gave it to him. Never heard him yell so loud in my life. You know how loud Mom gets. Virge was crying the next time I saw him. And Mom raided your library for as many psych books as possible. I kinda thought the whole thing was funny but when you put it that way—" 

"That's what happened to those books?" 

"Yup! He was going to teach Virge every preventative measure he could use to keep his anxiety and depression in check. And try to break him of that extreme mean streak before it got the better of him." 

"You mean to say he tried to educate and reform Virgil so he could function as a part of Thomas without causing harm to the rest of us?" 

"Yeppers! It must suck to be the baddest bad guy of them all!" Remus sighed wistfully. 

"Anxiety?" 

"No, silly! Depression!" Remus laughed, "Why else would he be so reclusive and moody?" 

"Aesthetic and his role as anxiety are plausible causes. I never considered depression was another one of his roles, though it makes sense."

"Yeah! And now that he's sacrificed his therapy sessions with Dee in favor of having T-man's approval he's been getting worse. Hasn't he?" 

"That is correct. He holds quite a bit of animosity toward you and Deceit." Logan responded and adjusted his glasses, "especially now that you've revealed yourselves to Thomas. But why now?"

"That's because, dear Logic," Deceit hummed as he entered the room with the wine he was getting, "I saw him slipping before the rest of you. You saw how he acted during the Halloween video, it was just so obvious. Did you think I would really tolerate that kind of destructive behavior? I keep Thomas safe from society  _ and _ his own self-destructive tendencies, as best I can, even if I have to bend the truth." 

"Is that why you chose to live down here?" Logan questioned. 

"Choose is a strong word, but I'll be damned if I ever leave my sons—son and find corruption in the light like  _ he _ did." Deceit sighed and set the bottle on the table. He didn't dare look at the soft, wide-eyed face Remus gave him and certainly did not look at Logan, whose gaze was questioning. They couldn't see the tears welling in his eyes, not after such a good day.

"Perhaps," Logan cleared his throat, "it would be best to save the wine for next time I stop by. It's already fairly late, and I need to get my notes in order for our debate." 

"That would be lovely. Do send some warning."

"Can I take him home?" Remus asked shyly. He knew Deceit needed some time alone. Deceit nodded and waved them off. 

The pair rose up in Logan's room, left untouched. Logan grabbed Remus' hand to keep him there a moment longer.

"Today was fun, and I would appreciate it if you could try to account for accuracy and my initial reflexes in your next installment." Logan said stiffly. 

"Sure thing! But I have this feeling you're not done with me yet, and not in the fun way." 

"Do I have to keep Virgil's other role a secret? Can I at least get him to see Dr. Picani in the imagination?"

"Deceit always said it's Virgil's choice to share. Unless he's hurting everyone Deceit has us silenced usually. He let his guard down. I think he trusts you. I know I do!" 

"That—That is good to know." 

"Keep an eye on Scare Bear for us. He'll implode before he lashes out, and not in the fun way for us figments, with his innards and shit lining the walls." Remus said calmly, unnervingly, before sinking out. 


	9. If Everyone Love Each Other

“Logan!” Patton cheered the next morning when Logan came to the commons for breakfast, unharmed and tired. Logan blinked slowly and nodded, unwilling to socialize without his morning coffee. He passed Patton who was frying up a few flapjacks and grabbed the first mug he could reach. 

"So, uh, what happened to you yesterday?" Patton asked casual, not expecting an answer. He knew Logan would open up when he was ready. He was ready sooner than expected. 

"I believe Deceit told you what I was doing at the time if I'm not mistaken." Logan yawned and poured a cup of black gold. Patton blinked and turned his attention back to his cooking. 

"I'd rather hear it from you, if it's all the same." Patton shrugged as Logan stirred in some cream and sugar, deep in thought. 

"I was solving a murder mystery puzzle with Remus." Logan said plainly and took a sip of coffee, "Is that not what E told you?" 

"No, he told me that, but can you blame me for not believing him? He is Deceit and that is a little far fetched." 

"He is more than just Deceit you know. Perhaps it's more harmful to limit each of us to one role." 

"How so?" 

"You are morality and the inner child and the majority of the emotions. Roman is creativity, pride, and the romantic side. I control bodily functions, language functions, and reasoning. To praise one role over the others disrupts our equilibrium." Logan answered and sat at his usual seat. Patton flipped a pancake and sighed,

"Self Preservation said some things to you about why he went down there." 

"Yes. I haven't heard you use that designation in years." 

"Well, when your best friend leaves you for the darkness, you tend to feel hurt and you make a few changes to lessen the sting." 

"You made him out to be the villain out of your pain?" 

"It sounds worse when you put it that way, Lo. He became the bad guy when he refused to leave Remus, Virgil and Depression in the subconscious alone where they wanted to be. When he went down with them. And then he got those scales." Patton shivered, "It was a little more than just me getting hurt." 

"Perhaps it would be worth considering to re-establish civil communication with him seeing as the dynamic has shifted." Logan offered, trying to keep from correcting Patton by outing Virgil or suggesting that for the longest time he attributed depression to the emotional father figure. 

"I dunno, Lo. I think our dynamic is good as is. Sure we have our moments but in general things are good." Patton mused as he plated the first batch of pancakes. He offered Logan a meek grin and set down the short stack. 

"Thank you. I will take it that you wish to change the subject." Logan reasoned aloud knowing full well that Patton knew there was much to work on.

"Yeah, I'm kinda curious about these rooms. What did you do in them?—But don't go into detail." Patton mused and poured the next batch.

"I was tasked with investigating a crime scene and solving the case presented. I must say I am impressed by the level of thought put into the entire premise. Remus' style of creativity might not be your ideal but he certainly has a talent in his area." 

"And he didn't hurt you?" 

"On the contrary, he prevented me from getting hurt. He is quite a complex individual."

"I'm glad you two are getting along, but I'm gonna have to ask you to keep your distance. I would hate to lose you too." Patton hummed, trying to keep things light. 

"I cannot assure you that I will, however, I am not easily swayed and, therefore, my associating with them will not draw me away from the rest of you." Logan answered and sipped his coffee. Patton smiled as he tended to his cooking, relieved to hear that from Logan. His relief was short lived.

"Pardon the intrusion." Deceit hummed and he appeared in Virgil's seat next to the logical side. Patton visibly flinched but said nothing. 

"Good Morning, E. What brings you up here?" 

"I was just stopping by to discuss our next debate. I was hoping to set up a time for it." Deceit answered and glanced at the stiff father figure with his back to them, "Perhaps I'll come to you later. When you aren't busy."

"No, no, by all means, don't let me be a bother!" Patton said stiffly with forced cheerfulness. Logan sighed and shook his head. 

"Alright then, let's make this quick, I might have to untie Remus soon." 

"Untie him?" Logan questioned and sipped his coffee. This would be good.

"Oh, right. You see, Remus  _ hates _ experimenting with his body at night, and  _ never  _ ties himself up to use his tentacles for fun. I have the _ greatest fortune  _ of having to untie him before he works himself into a frenzy." Deceit groaned, making sure his lies were blatantly obvious to the distrustful dad at the stove. 

"Why not stop by after you take care of that?" 

"Have you ever been pulled into a hug by a sleeping duke? He doesn't let go. And if you think I can leave him alone before you go off to work, well, I'd say you're out of touch with life below." 

"Why can't you leave him alone? You've done it before." Patton cut in as he flipped his pancakes.

"In the afternoon and evening." Deceit answered nonchalantly.

"That's a correct statement." Logan added much to Deceit's delight. 

"So what about the morning?" 

"Simply put, and try to believe me, Remus is like a sad puppy and he follows me around until I make him shower and eat breakfast. I do my work in the lower commons in case he needs anything else before noon and he usually does." 

"Is that why he calls you 'Mom' more often than not?" Logan asked and set his mug down. That got Patton to spin around and gawk. 

"Hmm, I suppose it's partly because of that and partly because I am the closest thing to a parent he has." 

"But I'm the dad guy, why wouldn't he come to me?" Patton whined and quickly covered his mouth with both hands. Deceit raised an eyebrow at him and pouted. 

"You really think he's going to go to the person who decided he was bad and chose his brother over him?" 

"Well, when you put it that way—" Patton wilted. 

"Now then," Deceit said, turning to Logan, "back to scheduling. I understand that this shouldn't be more than an hour but I would like to have two hours allotted in case we're too involved." 

"I have time tomorrow afternoon. Would starting around three be agreeable?" 

"Perfect. I'll see you then in the debate hall. Until then." Deceit hummed and sank out with a tip of his hat. 

"Logan," Patton sighed, "Have I been in the wrong this whole time?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"Well, I know I'm a big part of the reason for the split, and it's because of how I was taught, but it was so simple back then. Am I trying to simplify something complicated?" Patton answered and took the pancakes off the stove.

"What prompted this? Surely one comment from E was not the genesis." 

"No, it was after the fiasco with Thomas meeting Remus. I've been too strict and I didn't realize I was hurting him–everyone. And then when I went looking for you yesterday and E told me you were with Remus, the side you took down with ease, I didn't want to believe it. Not because I thought he'd hurt you but because I thought I might have." 

"Patton," Logan hummed and pushed his glasses up his nose, "While I understand your concern and can assure you that your heightened influence has not had a strong negative effect on me, I don't quite understand what you mean by 'everyone.'" 

"Well," Patton began as he flopped into his chair and slumped over the table, "I keep diminishing Dec–E's role to lying and making Thomas lie, at least when he shows up. I created the twins and I coddle Roman and try to teach him to be honest and giving, but I think I might be overdoing it now, he's not happy. And then there's Remus–what if he's rowdy and demanding because I labeled him as bad and pushed him away even though he might not be all bad like Roman isn't all good? By focusing on being good did I become the bad guy? And how do I fix it?" 

"I would consider looking creating a three part spectrum from green to yellow to red. Ask yourself where a thought or action lies on that spectrum. Some things are worse than others and grouping say murder with a lie to avoid an infuriating situation is ridiculous." 

"So I have to decide which shades of gray are too dark for each situation?" 

"Exactly, I suggested a method with color to simulate a traffic light to provide a clearer metaphor, but you are correct. And now that you know what to do, are you satisfied with your next course of action?"

"No. I just feel so icky. It's like Depression is hugging me, despite being in the furthest corner of the mindscape." 

"Patton, have you ever met Depression?" Logan questioned and took a swig of coffee. 

"A long time ago I saw him, once. We were just kids but I knew it was him, the icky feeling he brought before disappearing was just so potent." 

"What did he look like?" 

"Well, like the rest of us of course, but his hair was messy and flat, he wore grey sweatpants and a black shirt. I was more focused on the feeling." 

"I have yet to encounter him but that is an issue for later. Perhaps there's something you can do to atone to the sides you mentioned. I can help you with Remus if you would like."

"Really?" Patton offered a shy smile, "You would do that for me?" 

"Yes. After you make some peace with E. He's a protective mom as I have found." Logan answered, making Patton pout and think. He had to have a good idea to make this work.

"Do you think he'll like lemon squares?"


	10. You Can Fit So Much Self-Projection in this Baby!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _we will return to our regularly scheduled murder mysteries shortly_

Remus was busy drafting the next room for Logan to solve while Deceit was away debating Logic. His trash bin was littered with scrapped papers and a tin once full of lemon squares—Deceit wouldn't mind! His fingernails were gray from his pencils as he struggled with his racing thoughts. It wasn't that he couldn't think of anything to Logan's standards—he certainly could with ease. No, he was on a mission to wow Logan, to hear more critique from him, to get some sweet validation from someone other than Mom. And he was not about to get that validation by ending it with no living murderer at the end.

But he had to stop working for a moment. A coldness filled the room that he never imagined he would feel again and his thoughts slowed dramatically. He willed away the graphite stains on his hands and spun around in his chair. This would be unpleasant.

"Well if it isn't, my Woeful Wuzzle!" Remus greeted with a bright smile and closed eyes. The lack of response–no quip, no grunt, not even a sigh–caused that smile to fall and forced the duke to open his eyes. 

"Oh. my."

"Ree, hold it." Virgil ordered with little weight behind his words. His eyes were bloodshot and his face was sickly pale. His lack of eyeliner was the brightest red flag and Remus could see just how deep his eye bags were. He had never seen Virgil so broken.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked as ten million scenarios flew through his head, as if he were Anxiety for the moment.

"I told Thomas I was one of you. He didn't take it well." Virgil mumbled, his legs shaking like they would give out. 

"Was that the last video? Scare Bear, do you know how long it's been since then? Do you know how long I've been trying to come up with something that doesn't end in the s-word? Why didn't you act sooner?" 

"I thought it was just me being moody as usual. I've been on edge because of stuff for over a year." 

"And it hit you like an eighteen-wheeler going a hundred with spikes on the bumper, and then it crashes into a car and they both catch fire." 

"Heh, yeah." Virgil shrugged and rubbed his arm awkwardly.

"Why didn't you go to your new friends?" Remus asked earnestly. He wasn't sure why Virgil would come back to him, the side who caused intrusive thoughts and general distress, over Mr. Emotional Wisdom, or Logan, or even his brother. Virgil's eyes went glassy and he shook his head.

"None of them know. I can't let them know. I worked so hard for their acceptance, for Thomas' acceptance, I think I lost one and I can't lose the rest of them." 

"Logan will still accept you. If he can find a way to accept and like me, then you're gonna be alright." 

"You and he are friends, huh? I'm glad you are." Virgil mumbled and averted his gaze. He was freezing and tired and in need of a hug.

"Me too. But seriously, you know me, I make things worse. I don't want to hurt you." 

"You're the only one who doesn't get hit with the depression other than—please, Ree I can't be alone." Virgil sighed and bit his lip. It was a nice change from the numbness consuming him. 

"Scared to go to Mom?" Remus asked. Virgil nodded, too tired and apathetic to fight. Remus got up and guided Virgil to sit on the bed with him. 

"You know Mom misses you, he's worried about you." Remus hummed and wrapped his arms around the depressed emo, pulling him to his side.

"He probably hates me. I've been an asshole since I left. I've been an asshole a lot lately." Virgil grumbled and leaned into the duke. 

"You are what you eat." Remus mused, "But seriously, you know why you're getting like this. You have to talk to someone who can help. This is one secret you can't keep." 

"Then they'll hate me again and I'll be alone because you shouldn't have to put up with me again." Virgil groaned. If you asked Remus, he would rather have a jerk to banter with than a self-depreciating whiny mess, but either way he would do more than just put up with Virgil.

"I have an idea. You wanna go to the room? I made a few changes to it." Remus suggested. Virgil shrugged and curled into him wordlessly. It was worse than Remus thought. He sank them both out. 

When they rose up, Virgil knew exactly where they were. The soft couch and the smell of autumn rain were the first obvious signs. He glanced around the covered log cabin porch and took in the sight of rolling orange hills brightened by a lazy drizzle.

"You kept this place?" 

"Yep! It's one of the few places that reminds me of you when you're not being the kind of dick that doesn't belong in my mouth." Remus chuckled, making Virgil wilt. 

"I fucked up real bad this time, worse than when I made you think you were Roman." 

"I don't know if I'd say that. It was a one-time thing and you got help, I'm not horribly traumatized, and you apologized so many times that I was pretty sure that you would try and offer make-up sex. This situation is different and you can fix it if you let yourself be vulnerable, tell them before someone gets hurt."

"It's not that simple. I don't know how to explain that there's no separate side called Depression, that I am literally the worst aspect of Thomas, and that I'll always be the bad guy, no matter how hard I try to change it and be good." 

"That really does bother you, huh?" Remus pouted, scolding himself for using that against him in the intrusive thoughts video. 

"Yeah. It really does. What good am I if I just hinder Thomas and punish him? Deceit is Self Preservation, you can create elaborate fantasies and you're resourceful, and then there's me. All I do is hurt him, Ree." 

"Now don't you get all twisty brain on me. You're a huge chunk of his awareness and you keep him safe. The bad stuff only seems so bad because it's at the front of your mind." Remus countered and pulled Virgil onto his lap. The poor thing was freezing! 

Remus got up with some effort and cradled Virgil in his arms, heading inside. The cozy interior could warm anyone, even with the shelves of eerie jars above the open hearth and the cauldron resting over the fire. The dark wood walls were still covered in spider webs and the entire place had a distinct cinnamon and cloves scent to it. 

Remus lowered Virgil onto the couch closest to the stone hearth and conjured a fuzzy purple blanket with a spider pattern for him. The duke bundled him up and plopped down next to him.

"Remus," Virgil sighed, "I'm sorry. I know you and Deceit aren't all bad and I made it seem like I think you are. I was scared of being outed, but that's not an excuse." 

"I understand where you're coming from and there's no hard feelings from me, except in my pants—no wait not even there!" Remus replied, glancing down his pants for good measure. It got him a faint chuckle from Virgil.

"Why are you so chill when I'm like this?" 

"I'm a ball of hyper almost manic energy. You bring me down the same amount as the others, but it doesn't look like it because I'm usually much higher than the average side." 

"Manic?"

"Yeah, that's just me being stifled creativity and intrusive thoughts, it's nothing that affects Thomas directly. It's not like Thomas has a side specific to mania. That's what we call a mental illness." 

"Like me." 

"Nope! Everyone has the capacity to feel anxious and depressed without it being an illness. Only if it becomes a complete hindrance is it an issue—and you sure haven't been a complete hindrance. You're just heightened." 

"Why are you being so nice to me? After all I said and did." 

"Scare Bear, you're more than you're letting yourself see. Yeah, you can get mean and verbally aggressive under pressure, but you don't hurt anyone on purpose and you give great advice. You are protective of the things you love and you're there to help. All you want is for Thomas to love you and hear you. You were my best friend for a long time, you helped me focus and kept me worried about stuff that wasn't Roman. I call you a butchered version of Care Bear for a reason. Because you care so much." Remus explained calmly.

It was silent except for the rain pattering against the windows. It was a lot to process, and Remus didn't mind the quiet. But then he heard the soft gasp that mirrored a hiccup. 

"C'mere, Virge, it's gonna be alright." Remus said as he pulled Virgil into a loose hug so he could escape when he wanted to. Virgil shrugged the blanket from his shoulders and hugged back, burying his face in Remus' shoulder. 

"It's okay, let out. You're safe with me. The only one who isn't safe with me is Roman, but it's a twin thing. You're gonna be just fine." Remus hummed and rubbed soothing circles on his back. A good cry would clear his head, and with any luck Virgil would heed his advice.


	11. I'm Tired, I'm Wasted

Patton hummed softly as he stirred the pot of rice. It would be ready soon as would the chicken in the oven. Then he would call the family together for dinner just like every night. And he was so proud of his work this time, he hoped everyone would enjoy it! And if they didn’t he could hide the sadness a little longer until he got to his room.

"Greetings, Padre! Whatever it is you're cooking, it smells like the finest royal feast!" Roman half-sang upon entering the kitchen. Patton giggled and glanced at Roman with a smile.

"Thanks, kiddo! I hope it’ll taste as good as it smells!” he said before really taking in Roman’s presence. His brow was creased ever so slightly and his smile seemed strained, he was fairly rigid for the limber, expressive prince. Patton’s dad sense was tingling.

“Everything alright Ro?” Patton asked with a slight frown. Roman deflated and shook his head.

“Was it that obvious?” he pouted. Patton set the spoon he was using aside and placed his hands on Roman’s forearms.

“I’m a dad, I know when my kids need me. Now what’s on your mind?”

“Logan has been spending time with Remus.” Roman sighed, “And I’m scared he might like Remus better than me, and he’ll want Remus to do more work, my job.” 

“I don’t think that’ll happen, Ro. You’re Creativity, you bring life and love into everything you do. You strive for perfection and there’s always a happy ending in the things you make.” 

“But what if that’s not good enough for him, for Thomas? I feel like no matter how hard I try I’ll never be as good as I need to be. What if Remus is the one who has what Logan is looking for, what Thomas needs?”

“If that’s the case, and I promise you it isn’t, that won’t make any of us love you any less. You’re not perfect Roman, and you don’t have to be.” Patton smiled.

“Thanks, Padre.” Roman said and pulled Patton into a hug, “I hope Logan knows what he’s doing. I don’t.”

“What was that?” Patton pulled back and looked Roman in the eye. Roman winced and shook his head.

“That was a slip of the tongue. It’s been so gloomy out here! It’s making any insecurities I have seem so much worse!”

“It’s okay to be insecure, as long as you keep fighting back, because no matter what, you’re still your fantastic self. Now go wash up! Dinner is gonna be ready in ten!” Patton hummed and let Roman escape his grasp.

“I’ll be right back!” Roman grinned and sank out with a flourish.

He arose again in Remus’ room, ready to give his brother a piece of his mind. He would not be pushed aside in favor of the crude duke!

But looking around the creepy, but orderly room, Roman felt a sense of dread settle in his stomach. The side he was looking for was hunched over his desk, scribbling in a notebook, unnaturally still. 

“Roman, you know you should knock before coming in.” Remus sighed, lacking his usual energy. He sat up and twisted in his seat to face his brother. Roman was stunned to see that he looked almost normal, bathed and without the usual unsettling look in his eyes.

“I apologize.” Roman gawked, unsure of what he could say otherwise.

“You’re apologizing to me? How cute, which one of my diabolical traps did you dismantle this time? I will kill you if you tell me any of my babies are hurt.” Remus smirked and rested his chin on the back of his chair. At least he was still making threats and drumming his fingers. 

“I didn’t find any traps in the imagination, not to worry. I came because of Logan.”

“Jealous?” he teased with a wide grin. Roman shook his head and crossed his arms.

“I will not have him harmed or convinced that I should lose my standing.”

“To me? Roman, Thomas has all the say in that, besides if Logan knows what’s best, he’ll only come to me for the things you’re too chickenshit to make. I can’t help it if you can’t make a murder mystery room to save your ass.” Remus shrugged and spun around again to focus on his work. Roman stared at the back of his head in disbelief. Remus wasn’t even pretending that he could steal Roman’s thunder, it wasn’t right, not for someone who lived to drive Roman bananas.

“What is wrong with you!?” Roman snapped, and immediately regretted it. Remus craned his neck and glared at him.

“You have ten seconds to rephrase that.”

“Why are you so—so—calm?”

“Babysitting takes a lot out of me. Anything else?” Remus answered, losing his patience. Roman assumed the babies in question were extremely dangerous creatures he would have to fight, and then fight Remus. It wouldn’t be pretty.

“What do you mean I can’t create a murder mystery room? I certainly can! And I can do better than you.” Roman retorted, ready to change the subject and make his brother eat his words. Remus blinked a few times and offered a crooked grin.

“Wanna bet? Logan is supposed to go into the next one in a week. Make your own room, pretend to be me. See how much he likes it.” the duke taunted, “I could cover for you, it would give me a chance to keep from babysitting for a few hours.”

“You’re on!” Roman huffed, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a prior engagement.” Remus waved cheekily as he sunk out. And once he was gone, Remus let out a long, drawn-out groan, thinking of all the ways this plan could backfire.

* * *

“Roman, there you are!” Patton beamed when Roman rose up a couple minutes late for dinner. He grinned sheepishly at the father figure and took his seat.

“Sorry for my untimely arrival. This looks amazing!” he said, making up for the storm in his head. He had to hatch an idea that would wow the stoic side across from him. Logan was as stiff as ever but he seemed to be in good spirits. The same could not be said for the sulking mass to Roman’s left. Virgil was curled up in his chair, disinterested in making eye-contact or even looking at the table. He hadn’t been this closed off since he first joined them.

“What’s with you, Dr. Gloom?” Roman asked as Patton sat down. Roman couldn’t tell which glare was worse, the one Patton shot him for being a bit brisk, or the death glare coming from Virgil which was full of venom. Roman winced at both.

“Roman, be nice,” Patton chided, “Virgil’s allowed to have bad days.”

“Permission is not required for any emotional response. It is however worthy to note that troubling emotions are a part of Virgil’s functions and his response is in no way out of line or invalid.”

“Thanks.” Virgil grumbled and pulled his hood over his head further. Roman pouted. First Remus, now Virgil, was it just a hidden side thing going around today? Was Deceit behind the upset? He assumed as much and let it slide. Patton’s cooking smelled wonderful, and he would not let a sour mood ruin such a treat. He’d save the interrogation for another day.


	12. I'm So Happy I Have You as my Best Friend

Logan rose up in Remus' room with a fully charged tablet and a hope that this Creativity might have an interest in space. He didn't have to bother Roman or Patton with such trivia, and because of Virgil's mood at dinner the past few days, he didn't want to upset the anxious side further with generally unsettling information. 

"Remus?" Logan called out, the room was empty. He glanced around and took in the area. The only area that looked messy was the desk, littered with papers and pens. The bed was made and the floor was clear, sure the blood stain was part of the carpet design and it could be mistaken for the real thing. 

"Logan?" Remus gawked, appearing on his bed with a notebook in hand. 

"Salutations. I hope I'm not interrupting anything. If I am, it's not urgent." 

"No no,I was just working on a room. The most disturbing one yet!" Remus responded almost too quickly, "What's up, Teach?" 

"I was hoping to discuss some of the phenomena that astronomers have recently uncovered. However, I understand if you are disinterested seeing as we have yet to set boundaries and I have a tendency to be long winded in—" 

"You came by to hangout with me? By choice? When I'm the one with violent urges that I've acted upon? Logan, you're Logic, don't tell me you forgot to use it! That's like forgetting to piss, and then you get infected and your bladder atrophies and you back up your kidneys and they fail and you die." Remus gawked.

"I've already established that your antics do not affect me in the slightest. I've come to understand that while you are the source of intrusive thoughts and impulses, there is more to your character than that." 

"Keep talking like that and I might hump your leg." Remus teased, blushing brightly. 

"If I keep talking, it will be about space." Logan replied and adjusted his glasses. 

"Hold that thought!" Remus cheered and snapped his fingers. 

Logan found himself in an empty void on a blue couch, seated next to Remus. 

"What is this?" Logan asked with a hint of curiosity to his voice. 

"The universe room!" Remus cheered with a flourish to the void, "It needs some stuff but I can make that, with all the details you tell me." 

"You can do that?" 

"Sure can! Unlike someone, I have a knack for interpreting mathematics and biology." Remus said, "But you can be the judge of that!" 

"Roman is the one who has a firm grasp on linguistics and in depth narrative? Not to assume you aren't capable of either, but it would be apt to say he is stronger in those areas." 

"Yeah," Remus pouted at the comparison, then perked up, "But you're not here to language! Tell me all about the black hole! It's almost as destructive as me!" Logan regarded him for a moment as he laughed weakly at his own insult, not sure of what to say. There was something off with his energy levels and Logan was unsure of the cause.

"Tell me all about it, Teach! In as much detail as possible!" 

"Wouldn't it be dangerous to create a singularity in such close proximity to us?" 

"If you can handle a shuriken to the face, I'm pretty sure you can handle any stars i throw at you." Remus chuckled, "Unless you don't want to test that."

"Pay attention." Logan smirked, "You'll be graded on this assignment." 

"Hit me with that sweet deadly knowledge!" Remus cackled and rolled up his sleeves. 

"Galaxy M87 in the Virgo cluster is one of the most fascinating galaxies in the known universe. Unlike our own Milky Way, it is an elliptical galaxy, and even then it's strange and almost spherical instead of a disk, much like an egg..." Logan began explaining the dimensions and make-up of the galaxy. There was a twinkle in his eyes that Remis had never seen before. 

And Remus listened. His hands moved in broad, sweeping gestures, forming the stars and gases as Logan described them. Occasions he would glance at Logan, taking note of his excited yet reserved demeanor and the small gesticulations he made. But Remus was focused on his words, taking them and molding them into something tangible. 

"... and according to a theory by Walter Baade, the jet coming from the singularity is plane polarized and shooting out in a helical pattern at close to the speed of light! This jet of ionized matter extends 1.6 parsecs…" Logan continued with more energy. His hands were constantly moving to match his raving and the smile on his face was priceless. Remus was determined to make this scale model perfect.

"And then there's the image that was recently taken, it's stunning!" Logan finished and gawked at the marvel floating in front of him, "Simply stunning." 

"You like it?" Remus beamed and shimmied for the first time since Logan arrived. Logan nodded dumbly and adjusted his glasses. 

"Would it be possible to meet a closer look at the super massive black hole?" Logan asked, expecting a 'no' but hoping for the best. 

"Yeah!" Remus laughed and snapped his fingers, zooming in on the center. Logan needed a moment to stare in awe at the recreated star cluster. He could still see the smaller galaxy clusters nearby and the orange aura surrounding the event horizon. 

"You do magnificent work." Logan commented, "I should have come to you for this type of discussion sooner."

"Aw shucks! Thanks Teach!" Remus giggled, wait until you see the other jet!" 

"Other? But we've only ever observed one coming from M87."

"I know a thing or two about the second most destructive force in the universe and I know that these babies usually have one on each end. Besides, this is the chance to imagine it." Remus explained and snapped his fingers. Logan watched in awe as the entire scene rotated so that Logan could view the singularity from the side. The glowing twin jets did not disappoint. 

"I'm thoroughly impressed." Logan coughed, "And I appreciate you taking the time to hear my rant." 

"Stop in anytime! Your rants are way more fun than Mom's or Virgil's." Remus shrugged. That reminded Logan of a question hiding in the back of his head.

"What are the signs to look for when Virgil is on the cusp of an episode of depression?" he asked, adjusting his glasses as Remus deflated. 

"Way to kill the vibe. Let's see." Remus sighed, "He gets really grumpy and lashes out, and sometimes he refuses to eat. He'll close himself off more until he goes numb. That's when he ducks out." 

"He ducks out? But when he did, Thomas became an insufferable oaf. We've only seen that happen once." 

"Well yeah. You know Thomas needs all of us, except for me most of the time, but that's his loss. Mom and I would get him to a special room to regroup away from the icky stuff you get in his room, and we would take over." 

"We? Forgive my shock but I can't picture you working as Anxiety or a caretaker." 

"Well usually I'm not good at it, I have a lot of energy and no real outlet, but when Virgil gets depressed around me, I calm down a lot, which is good for everyone." Remus continued ruefully. 

"He's in the middle of such an episode now." Logan stated in shock, "That's the root of your change in behavior." 

"You don't miss a thing, do you, Teach? I'm a temporary Virgil and he's moping in one of the rooms. And yeah, I was just with him. He's not doing so well, but he doesn't want word to get out and here I am telling you about it because I can't shut up even now." 

"I will keep quiet unless the situation hinders Thomas in any significant capacity. In the meantime, if you aren't busy, I'd like to continue examining and exploring your creation. It is incredibly accurate and quite fascinating and I understand that the current topic of conversation is distressing." 

"You really think it's cool?" Remus peeped, internally screaming over the amount of interest Logan had for one of his works. This was what approval felt like, and Remus wanted to hold onto it forever.

"Yes." he affirmed, just as pleased to have someone taking an interest in his favorite subject---sure he could talk about cryptids with Virgil, linguistics and poetry with Roman, philosophy with Deceit, and LARP with Patton, but this was his passion, and he finally had a friend to share it with.


	13. God...Forgive Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gonna put a big ol warning here for this next chapter:
> 
> There's abuse mention, an age gap, and a ton of shit you might not have signed up for initially with the murder mystery plot. Please be cautious, and if you need to skip this chapter I will include a summary when i upload the next one.
> 
> * * *

Logan arrived in the hallway full of doors on time, as planned. He was looking forward to the next mystery, and to find a few answers to his own questions. He was honestly thrilled to see the caution tape on the second door was gone. The only thing missing from the scene–the duke.

He leaned against the wall and waited. Minutes turned into hours and Logan was stunned by the delay. It was after two hours and thirty six minutes he stood up to leave when...

"Heads up!" Remus shouted before appearing. With the warning, Logan was able to catch the cartoonish suction arrow that flew at his head. 

"Nice reflexes!" Remus laughed with his hands on his hips, twitching more than usual. The crazed look in his eyes was diminished and Logan knew something was off. 

"Are you sufficiently prepared for our next venture? I am open to rescheduling if you are not up to it today." Logan offered, hoping he would take the chance due to the late start. Remus shook his head and beamed. 

"I'm good! Let's get to class, teach! This next one's gonna test that skull muscle!" Remus cheered and opened the door. 

"The only muscles in my head that you're testing are my frontals." Logan said and raised a skeptical eyebrow at Remus. Something was off.

"Use the gray matter when it matters!" Remus groaned and shoved Logan inside the next room, not gently at all.

This time Logan was prepared for the scent of rotting flesh. He didn't expect it to be quite so mild. He glanced around and cringed upon seeing the body.

He was an old man, fat and greasy, about 60. Logan watched as a medic packed up his equipment next to the recliner where the body was. 

"Pardon me," Logan greeted. He jolted when he realized the medic was Remus. 

"Hey there, Teach!" he greeted and strutted up to Logan. 

"I assume you handled the autopsy report." Logan hummed. 

"Sure did! The cause of death was a heart attack, but his wife suspects foul play still." Remus shrugged, so you have to do a little digging!" 

"Is the report filed in my codex yet?"

"Codex?" 

"My watch." Logan groaned. He was certain Remus understood what he meant, and he was not in the mood for games. 

"I completely forgot you had that! I have a paper copy for you instead!" Remus laughed and held out a manilla folder with a bright grin. Logan took it and opened it, reading the contents on the first page aloud.

"'Victim: Keller, Robert D. Age: 65 years. Occupation: Retired, police lieutenant. Cause of death: heart attack. High alcohol content in blood, no signs of poisoning.'" Logan shook his head and read the rest of the file in disgust. This man should have never been allowed on the force! He eyed Remus suspiciously, "Remus, this case is fairly open and shut. In fact, I would say he died of natural causes. May I speak to the wife?" 

"Well naturally!" Remus gasped, pressing a hand to his chest, "Follow me!" He trotted further inside and disappeared through an archway. Logan followed, scanning the area for a sign that this wasn't some cheap trick. He saw nothing of interest amid the empty beer cans and chip bags. 

Logan entered a kitchen where a young woman was sitting at the table, she hardly looked over 30. Remus sat next to her trying to get her to relax. 

"Hello, I am Detective Logan Sanders. If I may, I would like to have a word with you." Logan greeted, causing her attention to fall on him. She looked at him with hollow eyes and offered a weak smile.

"Please, sit down detective. I'm Mrs. Lanie Keller, Rob's wife." she said, motioning to a chair. Logan sat, somewhat surprised to hear that, and pulled out a notepad.

"Could you tell me your age and occupation, for the record?" Logan asked and pulled a pen from his pocket. Remus looked utterly scandalized. 

"I'm 32, and I'm a cashier at the local pharmacy." 

"Interesting," Logan hummed, not ignoring the age gap, "And can you describe the events of the past 24 hours." He pressed, idly scanning the room. It was a humble kitchen, and a clean one at that. But something on the table caught his eye. He could work that into the conversation later.

"Yes, last night I returned home from work at around 5, Rob was asleep in his chair with the TV on. I made dinner and we ate at 6. While I was cleaning up we got into a fight and he stormed off, expecting to hear from his daughter. I finished cleaning, showered, and went to bed. I woke up at 6:30 in the morning and got ready for work. When I came downstairs a little after 7 he was in his chair, and I thought he was sleeping so I went to work. And when I got home around 5 he hadn't moved to he was dead." 

"And you suspect foul play, why?" 

"I handle his medicine, I know his dosages and I make sure he takes his medicine and vitamins." Laine responded, "I know I would be the prime suspect if an investigation were to happen, but I swear to you I didn't kill him, I have no reason to." She winced and curled into herself. Logan knew all too well that such an action meant she was hiding something. 

"In that case, tell me about your relationship with Robert. When did it blossom and how has it unfolded thus far? Nothing you can say will make me think any less of you." 

"Well, I was 17 when we met, he was so nice and kind, my family wasn't the best, so when I turned 18 we got married in Vegas. He paid for me to get through school and I was able to get a job. Sam liked me well enough, she never considered me her mom, or sister—we're not terribly far apart in age, not like family at all. But like all relationships there were ups and downs." 

"And the downs, as you put it, were they more frequent or particularly intense?" Logan pressed, watching her face twist in shame.

"Yes, both. But I had it better with him, so I stayed. I admit I'm good at hiding bruises, after sex or when I said no." Laine muttered. Logan was ready to snap his pen in half as he pretended to take notes. 

"Did he ever hurt Samantha?" Logan asked through gritted teeth. 

"Yes. But she's halfway across the country." Laine sighed sadly. Logan had the distinct impression that there were some underlying feelings for Sam that Laine was concealing. 

"How old is Samantha? I'd like to know more about her." Logan asked, trying to figure out what would lead her to suspect it was murder.

"She's 28, and she's a game developer. She's brilliant, she got a full ride and free room and board when she went to college. She looks nothing like her father, and she is the most dependable person I know. If you think she killed him, you'll need another suspect." she answered with as little emotion as possible. 

"Rob D. Keller, as I understand, had a history of assault, on duty. He was not a popular man. I would find it hard to believe that you and Samantha are guilty without further investigation. Rest assured that no harm will befall either of you now despite your connection to Mr. Keller." 

"Is there anything else I can do for you, detective?" 

"Would it be possible to either contact Sam or provide me with her phone number?" 

"I can call her right now and put her on speaker. Would that—?"

"Yes, yes, please do!" Remus butted in. Logan pouted, something was off. Still, he allowed the call and listened to the phone ring on the table.

"Lady!? Are you okay?" a woman's voice came over the phone, "You never call this early!" 

"Hey Sam," Laine said with a trembling voice, "Your father is dead." 

"I mean, good riddance but what happened?"

"That's what we're trying to figure out," Logan spoke up, "I am Detective Sanders and I am investigating this death. If you would, I'd like to know what you discussed with your father when you called." 

"It wasn't that I called him, he called me, demanding I come back. I only ever answered to get updates about Laine. I hated him. I told him to give it up and move on. But since I actually have a heart I reminded him to take his nightly vitamins." 

"How many did you tell him to take?" 

"Two. Why?" Sam huffed, making Laine gasp.

"Well, that would explain exactly how he died. A miscommunication that lead to a heart attack." Logan noted, "I understand that the sentiment of his passing has no bearing on you, so I cannot offer you my condolences except for the funeral costs." 

"He's getting registered as dead and donated to science." Laine said flatly, "Unless you have any objections, Panda." 

"None whatsoever. Are we done here? My boss is glaring at me for taking a call." Sam said. 

"In that case, I'll see myself out and file the report. Thank you for your time." Logan said and stood.

The scene paused and faded. Logan turned his attention to the other side standing by quietly, still as stone and on the edge of tears.

"You hated it." he whimpered. 

"No, it was an interesting use of narrative, but it was not what I was hoping for." Logan answered, already putting the pieces together. Those mannerisms were not quite right for the duke. 

"Roman," Logan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose, "Where is Remus and why are you impersonating him?" 

"I don't know where he is, but I had a point to disprove—and I failed miserably!" Roman broke down. Logan cringed before wrapping his arm around the prince in disguise.

"Come, let's find Remus and discuss this openly to quell any insecurities." Logan said and focused on the duke's energy. Roman sniffled and nodded. At this point he was okay with hearing Logan out.

They sank out—

—and rose up in an unfamiliar room. The scent of depression wafted through the air and destroyed the cozy atmosphere of the cabin. Remus was sitting on the couch in Roman's whites with a mass of blankets next to him. 

"C'mon Vee—"

"Shut up! We're not alone!" Virgil boomed like the storm he usually was. The darkness looming around him spread like the ink from a squid in danger. It was coming for the intruders. Fast.

"Remus?" Roman gasped, "What in Sondheim's name is going on—?" He collapsed without finishing his question, falling to the ground away from Logan. He felt like he was made of lead, all his doubts became weighted shackles around his limbs. He wanted to cry, but couldn't. He wanted to sleep, but he wasn't able to either. Everything hurt and he wasn't sure what he could do or what he could feel.

Remus leapt to his feet and saw the pair, Logan in shock from the raw power Virgil had, and had no control over, and the heap of royalty at his feet. Remus got one look at Roman and paled. He raced over and snapped his fingers, switching their clothes. 

"Nero!" Remus shouted and helped his brother to his feet, "Oh no! Oh no! Science Guy, what are you doing here?—Wait, no time! Follow me!" Remus panicked, grabbing Logan's hand while holding Roman up, and sank out. 


	14. I Cannot Tell You, It's Confidential

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _Recap: Roman is showing Logan his room and gets caught while disguised as Remus and he's crushed that Remus did better than him. They find Remus with Virgil and Roman passes out from being overwhelmed by the depression in the air. Imagine how bad it would be in Virgil's room! This next chapter overlaps the last one._
> 
> * * *

Patton arrived in the lower commons in search of both Logan and Roman. The latter wasn't in the imagination or his room, and the former was taking far too long in the mystery room. But when he appeared, he was shocked to find Roman seated at the kitchen table. At least he thought it was Roman from the back of his head.

"Mom, I don't know what to do, just look at me, I'm wearing his clothes!" Remus—that was most definitely not Roman—groaned. Deceit stood up from crouching in front of the oven and eyed him thoughtfully, tossing a rag in the sink. 

"If you tell him I'm not mad and I just want to help, maybe he'll hear you out. You can't keep doing this to yourself and he needs to bounce back. It's my job to counter him when he's like this." 

"You think I haven't tried that? He always knows when someone other than me comes in. He doesn't want anyone else to know. I fucked up by telling Logan, I can't make that mistake again, not when he's like this and teetering on the edge!"

"Remus, you're getting close to the edge, look at you! You aren't yourself and you're exhausted mentally, emotionally, and physically. Such obnoxious and unnecessary self-sacrifice like what you're doing is sickening." 

"I've been doing his job and the rooms and making sure he eats at least a little bit everyday, of course I'm tired. He needs someone and he doesn't want you to help him because he's a giant baby."

"You are so lucky I've been covering for his appearances again, and luckier that Logan's been tight lipped. Virgil on the other hand—" Deceit trailed off as his eyes landed on Patton, head tilted like a puppy with wide eyes. 

"How much of that did you hear?" he asked coldly.

"Well, from the part where Remus complained about dressing like Roman." Patton admitted sheepishly. At the sound of his voice, Remus flopped onto the table and whined, hiding his head, not nearly as dramatically as he usually would.

"It's rude to eavesdrop." Deceit retorted and crossed his arms. There was a fire in his eyes that Patton knew all too well, he just never imagined he would be under such a crushing parental gaze. 

"Remus, go check on him." 

"But Mom, I don't wanna leave you alone with him!" Remus huffed bitterly. That fiery gaze fell on him and he immediately sank out. This was not the time to argue with Mom.

"So uh, what were you saying about a secret Remus told Logan?" Patton asked with a meek smile. Deceit exhaled through his nose and shook his head.

"It's not my secret to share. Can you believe that much or do I have to speak backward?" E huffed and sat down in his usual seat. Patton cautiously approached the table and tried to decide between two empty chairs–the one Remus was just sitting in, or the other one that looked like it hadn't been used as much. He sat in the latter and sighed.

"I'm a bigger liar than you, I think I can trust you to be honest with me this time." 

"Let's start with Roman, he initiated a bet with Remus, and at this point, Remus needs a break so I didn't intervene. Logan is likely picking apart every detail in Roman's creation." 

"That's good to know, and it's why I stopped by." Patton said and wrung his hands under the table, "But what about Virgil, is it his secret? I've been worrying about him for a while now and I just want him to feel comfortable with us." 

"Comfort." Deceit snorted, "That is the exact reason I thought it was a bad idea for him to leave. Comfort isn't always caring. Sometimes making things to comfortable is harmful. So tell me why I would tell you how to comfort him when he needs to be nudged from his comfort zone?" 

"Well could you tell me what I can do? You care about him too and I don't want him to suffer." Patton frowned. 

"Ask him about—"

"Mom, holy fuck!" Remus shouted as he rose up with Roman slumped against him, both dressed in their usual outfits, and Logan next to him, slightly perturbed. 

Deceit leapt to his feet with Patton and got one look at the prince. He was pale and shaking.

"What happened?!" Deceit snarled.

"After our 'murder' was solved, we sank out and arrived in a different room where Remus was tending to—to Depression." Logan responded, stealing a glance at Patton and correcting his word choice. 

"Remus make sure everyone goes to their own rooms and stays put until I come for you." 

"Yes sir, Mom sir!" Remus said with a lazy salute. 

"I'm not leaving Roman alone." Patton declared.

"This is not some kind of game Patton. For everyone else's sake do as I say. This is not a panic attack or intrusive thoughts and I am the only one who can help him at this point. Go!" Deceit snapped, bearing his fangs. Logan tackled Patton and sank out before he could root himself to the ground and argue. 

"Bring back my Scare Bear, Mom." Remus pleaded and sank out with Roman. With that Deceit sank out in search of Virgil. 


	15. You are Part of My Life!

E rose up in the cozy autumn cabin and sneered. It smelled terrible, and the wave of apathy and misery that washed over and around him would have made any other side faint, like Roman. He glanced around and saw a lump on the couch covered by a dirty blanket. 

"Virgil!" he sang with a trill in his voice. The lump shifted. Excellent. He approached the depressed mass and carefully peeled the blanket away. Virgil glared at him, but he really wasn't much of a threat, just an angry lump as far as E was concerned. 

"Oh don't make that face. It's not like I'm forcing you to shower or eat." Deceit hummed, lying through his teeth. Virgil narrowed his gaze before rolling to press his face in the back of the couch. Deceit snapped three times and sighed. He had his work cut out for him.

"Come on, get up. I'm not above carrying you." E pouted. Virgil didn't acknowledge him. That was fine. Deceit hoisted him up bridal style with surprisingly little resistance and hauled the stinky emo to the bathroom.

"Now, am I going to have to bathe you or can I just sit here and make sure you don't drown? And Virgil, I need an answer before I scrub you down." E said. Virgil glanced around the room. The tub was full and a lovely lavender bath bomb was fizzing inside. He could barely move his arms without serious mental strain. His whole body felt like lead.

"Can't." he grumbled, using a significant amount of energy. E sighed and rolled up his sleeves to reveal he was still wearing rubber gloves. He snapped his fingers and sent Virgil's clothes to wash, before carefully picking up the emo and setting him in the bath. 

"You'll feel better once you're clean and in clean clothes." Deceit hummed softly and grabbed a loofah, soaking it, and gently scrubbing Virgil's shoulders. Virgil let out a soft sigh and watched him curiously. 

"Why?" he croaked.

"Why what? Why did I come here? Why am I helping you? Why aren't I angry?" 

"Yeah." 

"I'm Self-Preservation, Self-Care if you will, It's my job to make sure Thomas and the rest of you take care of yourselves. I'm here to help you with this episode, and I'm not angry because like Remus, you are still my surrogate son and I care about you." 

"Liar." 

"As you can see that particular function is not dominant at the moment." E scoffed and moved down to his chest, "And more importantly, why would I be doing this if I didn't care? I don't enjoy seeing you naked." 

"You care?" he croaked out. Two words, that was an improvement. E lifted his left arm to wash away the sweat and grime before going to the other side. 

"I never stopped caring about you. I only want to make sure you are happy, healthy, and safe. Clearly you haven't been and I'm surprised it took this long before you broke down." E said, pausing his scrubbing to look Virgil in the eyes. The poor thing was tearing up. He suddenly wrapped his arms around E and rested his chin on the snake's shoulder.

"Thanks, Mom. I'm sorry." Virgil sobbed, "I'm sorry." E couldn't be too upset that his clothes were wet, not when he was finally doing his most important job again. 

"I forgive you, now let's finish getting you clean and cozy. I need you to help me make dinner." E hummed and guided Virgil back into the tub. Virgil pouted but didn't argue. The idea of food made his stomach rumble, and it felt nice to have his Mom back.

* * *

"Alright, now is there anything you want to eat in particular?" E hummed and guided Virgil to one of the counters to sit. Decked out in his old hoodie, Virgil couldn't help but think of old times when this type of thing happened. 

"Grilled cheese." Virgil shrugged and watched E search for a pan and a pot.

"I made tomato soup last night, would you like that as well?" 

"Yeah." Virge mumbled, "That would be great." E smiled at him and snapped his fingers. 

"Then you can pull it out of the fridge with the cheese you want. And unless you want whole-grain bread, you'll want to pull out a couple slices." he hummed with a hint of his usual snark seeping through the cracks. 

"Usually Patton already knows." Virgil grumbled.

"I know _exactly_ what you want, it's in there. But I know what you _need_ , so do lend a hand." he hummed and set a pot and pan on the stove. The deceitful snark that coated his sentence made Virgil bristle indignantly. From the corner of his eye, he saw the emo slide from his perch and approach the fridge. Smirking to himself, he dug through the drawers for a butter knife, a ladle, and a spatula. 

He was about to conjure up some softened butter when Virgil placed a couple of slices of Muenster, four slices of pumpernickel, and a clear container full of red liquid on the counter next to him. E nodded and conjured the butter.

"Do you think you could butter at least two slices of bread while I start the soup?" Deceit asked, grabbing the container. 

"Why?" Virgil huffed. 

"You can't make grilled cheese without buttering the bread, now can you?" he chuckled and poured the soup in the pot.

"No, why are you making me do this? I could just make it myself." 

"Then make it yourself." Deceit answered as if it were the simplest thing in the world. Virgil slumped and sighed. Making grilled cheese was too much for him. How bad did he let himself slip? 

"The whole thing seems like a lot. But you have to start somewhere." Deceit said as he lit the burner under the soup and gave it a quick stir, "I'm only asking you to do one thing at a time." Virgil raised his eyebrows and scoffed, grabbing the knife and getting to work. 

Deceit whistled an old tune and kept his eye on the soup, occasionally stirring it and waiting for it to boil. And then Virgil cleared his throat, and he looked over with a smirk. There were two sandwiches ready for the pan. 

"Can you cook them? I'm not comfortable with using the stove yet." 

"Of course, just bring me a plate and a bowl." Deceit hummed, "And take a seat. You've done well."


	16. People Are Changing All The Time

Patton and Logan rose up in Logan's room. The former was absolutely furious, glaring at Logan like the disappointed dad he was. Logan would normally shrink under such a gaze, but this time he stood firm. 

"Logan, I don't appreciate you dragging me away like that. Especially when we could do something to help Roman or Deceit." 

"Patton, I understand your concern, however, in this situation, it would be unwise to ignore E. Depression was potent enough to incapacitate Roman, and it would stand to reason that his effect on you would be even greater seeing as you are the emotions." 

"Well what about E and Remus?" 

"As Self-Preservation, or perhaps Self-Care if you'll permit me, Deceit is the only side who can combat Depression when he is so influential. As for Remus, well, he is most certainly affected. Didn't his calmness strike you as odd?" 

"You mean that wasn't him getting tired out?" Patton gawked. 

"He still has energy and can perform tasks that require intense focus and alertness, such as transporting two other sides to the lower commons. He is usually at a much higher level of activity. It would be a safe bet to assume that while trying to tend to Depression, the ill effects befell him as much as Roman, he reacted differently." Logan explained. Patton pouted and stared into Logan's eyes. 

"What about Virgil?" he asked, noting the slightest flinch coming from Logan. 

"He is the most affected. And at this point there is nothing we can do yet." 

"He's been in his room most of the time, maybe he can help us. I refuse to let Roman be alone with only Remus, but if Depression is that bad, I can't just sit here and leave Deceit to handle this alone either, and I have to tell Virgil what's happening." Patton said at top speed, almost frenzied with paternal worry.

"There's no convincing you to return to your room." Logan sighed. 

"Not until this mess is cleared up." Patton stated firmly and crossed his arms.

"Then let's both visit Roman and clarify the situation." Logan said. Patton nodded and they both sank out. 

* * *

Remus gently set his brother on the bed the second they rose up. This wasn't supposed to happen. He ran a hand through his hair and snapped them both in their pajamas for some sort of comfort. 

"I'm sorry Princey." Remus sighed, "I didn't think you'd show up there." 

"How long?" Roman grumbled and turned his head to look at Remus with glassy eyes.

"I've known since the split, but I don't think that's what you meant. He ducked out over a week ago. I've been trying to help him but it only made me as boring as you, at least it gave me something to do."

"What?" Roman asked, bewildered and utterly miserable—Remus was busy being Logan's favorite. Remus sat next to him and sighed. 

"You know I don't do much as Creativity, heck I was ecstatic when I got a chance to create a few mystery rooms. Well, when he ducks out, I hang with him and since I have some paranoid tendencies I take over as Anxiety until Mom gets him back to his old self, but this time he didn't want Mom near him so I haven't caught a break between him and Lo." Remus explained and chuckled sadly, "Yeah, those rooms are all I have, they're everything to me, so I’m not complaining, far from it, but I know when I need a break. Why do you think I took your bet?"

"To prove you were better than me. To prove that I am not as important to Thomas and the others as I once thought." Roman frowned, “That you would be a worthy replacement when they realized I’m washed up and useless.”

"I'm not, you know Thomas doesn't want a manic creativity who's hypersexual and bloodthirsty. He isn't going to change his mind either." Remus pouted, "There's a reason you're upstairs and I'm in the dark, because you have what they want and like. You're the person they want and like. Even like this–" he motioned to himself in his calmer state, "–I'm not like you. I'm not good enough. I'm not good." 

"Falsehood." 

Remus sagged when Logan and Patton rose up. Roman saw them and offered a weak smile as his room worked its magic, bringing him back to normal.

"Deceit told you to go to your rooms. Your corners of the mind will keep you safe and heal you." Remus huffed. 

"Then why aren't you in your room?" Patton questioned.

"I'm not at risk of fainting, someone had to bring Roman here, and reviving me is the last thing you want." Remus retorted, counting his points on his fingers, "Next question, Papi!" 

"Is it because you think we don't want you back to your old self, you don't want your old self back, or because your usual energy levels combined with depression is dangerous?" Patton asked. 

"Let's see, you of all people should know that the first one is a yes, and the second one is also a yes. The last one is a big ol' no." 

"Why would you ever think that?" Patton gasped and immediately covered his mouth. Remus wasn't the only side who had ridiculous outbursts. 

"I don't like being called 'bad' or 'evil.' I hate being ignored and pushed away because of my impulses and thoughts I can't control or filter. I hate being the bad twin when I just want to make people happy with what I do and I can't no matter what I try because of my stupid thoughts and inability to slow down." Remus huffed and crossed his arms with a pout. Patton's jaw dropped and snapped shut and he curled in on himself.

"Your rooms thus far have been enjoyable leisure activities. It would be an unfair assessment to ignore the rush of dopamine and serotonin that they bring to me." Logan countered. 

"Translate that to basic." Roman whimpered, still out of it.

"Your rooms cause a chemical reaction, Remus, happiness." Logan clarified, "I look forward to your intricate designs and I appreciate your attention to detail and effort to improve." 

"You mean that?" Remus squeaked.

"Indeed. Your brand of creativity might not be what Thomas wants in his content, but it is incredible and thorough and worthy of exploration independent of Roman's brand." Logan said before Remus leapt to his feet and pulled Logan into a hug. 

"Remus," Patton spoke up, "I'm sorry for thinking you were all bad. It was unfair of me to do so. It was unfair of me to split you and Roman in the first place." 

"That wasn't you." the twins said in unison, "That was all Thomas. You were still forming too." 

"That was creepy." Logan mumbled. 

"When his ego is down and I'm not manic, that happens sometimes." Remus shrugged, releasing his grasp on Logan, "Twinsies, am I right?"

"So I didn't do it? I just made it bad afterwards by picking and choosing." Patton breathed, mortified.

"Yeah." Roman grunted and sat up, "It put a lot of strain on both of us. I'm overwhelmed and insecure, like I have to fight for my position, I'll admit that."

"And I have no outlet and a lot of insecurity and internal conflict about whether or not I have value and if should kill him and take his job." Remus shrugged and offered Roman a sheepish grin. Roman sighed and shook his head. He was used to that attacking schtick at this point.

"We are two halves of a whole," the twins said in tandem, "and two heads are better than one!." 

"Logan's right, that is the creepiest thing. Virgil would get a kick out of—oh god, Virgil!" Patton yelped, "I gotta check on him and get answers!" 

"No!" the other three gasped at the same time, making Patton flinch. 

"You have to tell him, Dukey." Roman sighed. Remus looked to his brother and saw the resolve in his eyes. It was the first time in forever that he got such a genuinely concerned look from his brother without a weapon involved. Patton was the only one who didn't know and he deserved the truth, even if Virgil would hate the duke forever.

"Virgil is Depression. He didn't want to tell you and lose his new family because of something he can't control without Mom and me. He saw how you reacted to me, and you might be okay with anxiety, but that's not the same as the depression part."

"But Depression is a separate side who doesn't dress like Virgil." Patton frowned, "I saw him before."

"Mom makes him change his clothes to wash them." Remus shrugged, "Hell, Deceit even bathes him when he's really out of it. But he always brings Scare Bear back and then he makes me go to my room once our worrywart is back." 

"And due to the fact that he refused to see Deceit, he spiraled out of control—Oh dear Zeus! I can't even imagine what he's going through!" Roman gasped.

"My poor boy!" Patton gasped. 

"Remus, would it be beneficial for Virgil to know that his standing in our group has not changed?" Logan questioned and adjusted his glasses, already coming up with a plan. The sentimentality of the moment would come to him later, he had to be rational while the prince and the papa freaked out.

"Maybe. He could stand to see someone other than me." Remus thought aloud, "I'll go check with Mom and I'll get you if it's safe for you to visit." And he sank out.


	17. You Invited All My Friends! Good Thinking!

Deceit hummed softly as he washed the dishes and Virgil ate his fourth grilled cheese. Who would have guessed that making each task smaller would make it easier for Virge to perk up a bit. Sure the depression in the air was still lingering, but it wasn't as potent. The food certainly helped with that.

"Thank you Virgil, you've been a marvelous help." Deceit hummed softly, earning a small half-smile from the emo. 

"Thanks, Mom." 

"You're welcome. I'm glad to see you're a little bit brighter now." Deceit chuckled, "I hope you don't mind the company, I understand you would rather I not be here." 

"Yeah, about that, I'm sorry for being so horrible to you. I've been nothing but mean and bitter since I left." 

"As long as you change that behavior, and seek help when you need it, I can forgive you."

"Thanks." Virgil mumbled and tore off a piece of his sandwich, popping it in his mouth, wishing he still had some soup left.

"Oh and one more thing, you must tell the others the truth. They can help prevent this from happening again." 

"You know what could happen." Virgil frowned, "They could hate me, they could treat me like a dumb kid, they could laugh and tell me I'm exaggerating and I'm pa–para–para—worrying too much." 

"Such little faith in the people you call family." Deceit tutted, "If the embodiment of lies and selfishness and the source of dark creativity who likes to swing a morning star at the dust in the air can still love you for who you are after all you did, why wouldn't the sides who reached out to bring you back do the same?" 

"Because I had to fight for their approval, except for Patton. Which is kinda weird now that I think about it since he's not fond of us."

"Tell them, Virgil. It will take a huge weight off your shoulders." Deceit sighed, losing his patience. He needed something to nudge Virgil in the right direction.

"Hey there Scare Bear!" Remus called as he rose up. Virgil smiled at him and waved. There was that something–or rather, someone.

"Now that is a sight for sore eyes, that got torn from their sockets and—" 

"Remus," Deceit cut him off, "How is Roman?"

"Better. He wants to talk to you, Scare Bear, he kinda saw you and he put two and two together." 

"Oh shit." Virgil cringed.

"He already told me that he wants you to know he won't be judgemental this time." 

"The air is clearer now, I won't bar them from entering." Deceit hummed, keeping an eye on Virgil. He looked like he was going to shit a brick. 

"Bring him in, bring everyone. I'd rather not say it more than once." Virgil sighed. 

"Okiee dokiee!" Remus cheered and disappeared. 

"I'm proud of you," Deceit commented as he put away the dishes, "You owned up to your behavior  _ and _ you decided to open up. You've come a long way." Virge smiled despite himself and blushed proudly. 

"Virgil'" Patton and Roman shouted happily when they rose up. Logan and Remus rose up behind them and quickly grabbed their collars before they could tackle him in a hug. 

"Hey guys." Virgil winced. 

"Oh my gosh, I'm so happy to see you safe and sound after that fiasco!" Patton cheered. 

"About that," he winced, "Sorry Princey. I should have told you guys sooner, hell, it's hard to say it now." 

"Might I take a guess based on the evidence? It might be easier to confirm an inquiry than to open up a conversation on your own." Logan suggested. Virgil pouted and pondered for a moment. He nodded slowly, much to Deceit's delight. 

"You represent Depression. It's quite clear that the depressed aura that knocked Roman down came from this room and your behavior has been shown to parallel common signs of depressed feelings." 

"You always were observant." Virgil tugged on his sleeves, "And yeah, I'm also Depression." 

"Why didn't you tell us sooner?" Patton asked, pouting. 

"Padre, you know why. Depression affects us all. I wouldn't want to be the source of everyone's misery, let alone tell anyone." Roman cut in, "Even if I knew I would still be loved and welcomed. And I didn't have to fight for a place at the table." He crossed his arms firmly to emphasize his point. 

"Wow, Wroamin, who knew you were in touch with Scare Bear's feelings!" Remus teased and let him go. Roman scowled at him. 

"Excuse me for being familiar with insecurity!" he huffed.

"Princey?" Virgil peeped, tugging on the ends of his sleeves. 

"Yes?" 

"You're right. I didn't expect you to be the one to get it, but it's like you said." 

"After you joined us, I realized that I wasn't considerate of others. I'm trying to work on that. I'm glad to see that it's coming along." Roman shrugged, "We all have stuff to work on. But the point is, now we know the truth and we can work together to make it work." 

"He's right, Virge, we are a family and we help each other because we care." Patton said with a soft smile and turned his attention to Deceit, "All of us." 

"Patton?" Deceit questioned. It was not a lie but he couldn't exactly believe what he heard. 

"You need help drying those? We should all talk things over soon." Patton offered with a shrug. Deceit motioned him over with a smirk. Happy to have help. 

"Hey, L?" Virgil asked, getting Logan's attention, "Ree mentioned he made you some rooms. Did you like them?" 

"I've only seen one as of yet, but yes."

"Well technically you've seen three if you count the space room. I made this place." Remus added. 

"But this place is fairly docile, how did you manage that?" Roman asked with a hint of bitterness. 

"Part of the allure are the cryptids that show up in the windows. The lizard man passed by a few hours ago, and the skunk-ape was definitely in the area." Virgil shrugged. 

"That smell wasn't the skunk-ape, Scare Bear!" Remus sang teasingly, "And it wasn't me!" 

"I must be doing better if you're acting like a dick." Virgil sneered. 

"You are what you eat!" Remus giggled, "You know you missed me!" At that Logan opted to assist Deceit and Patton rather than supervise the unfolding chaos.

"You're not all the way back yet." Roman cut in. 

"Good, I'm not ready for that yet." Virgil mumbled, "I have to keep you both out of trouble." 

"Both?" Roman questioned placed a hand to his chest indignantly. Virgil shrugged.

"Yeah, you think your quests don't raise any red flags. You're both trouble." 

"You haven't seen trouble yet, Virge!" the twins said in unison. Virgil's jaw dropped. The twins glanced at each other and shared a dastardly smirk. 

"That's a shining example of what I mean." Virgil grumbled and pushed his plate away. 

"What did you expect? We're more than twins!" the brothers jeered, "We're two halves of a whole." 

"Mom! Dad! Teach! Roman and Remus are trying to be cool!" 

"We're succeeding!" they laughed. Virgil couldn't argue that, but he had just the idea of how to make it stop. 

"Keep it up and you'll merge into the King again. That guy was a bastard!" 

"We're too different now, unique, dangerous, unable to merge. You can't scare us like that when we unite." 

Virgil bristled at their matching grins. That plan backfired. If they kept this up, his anxiety would go through the roof and he'd probably crash to a point lower than he was before Deceit showed up. 

"Logan, would you mind settling the dispute?" Deceit asked as he scrubbed the pan. Logan nodded and approached the trio with an air of confidence. He was there to rationalize and he would do so efficiently. It gave Deceit a chance to chat one on one with Patton.

"Why do I get the feeling that you didn't heed my instructions?" he hummed and glanced at Patton, who was drying a bowl with a pout. 

"Because I didn't. When everyone is in danger, I can't just sit and hide, I have to do something to help. It would be wrong to leave all that work to someone else and I gotta protect my kiddos." 

"Do you have any concern for your own safety?" Deceit teased.

"We're all the same person, caring about the others' safety is my own safety. Besides, dads take care of their kiddos and I haven't been the best about that. Luckily Mom has been picking up my slack." Patton hummed and winked knowingly. 

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about." 

"Well you took care of Ree and Virge, and you never stopped caring for V after he left. Plus you found a way to make Logan happy and don't think I haven't noticed the pep in Roman's step on the mornings when he's had the most wonderful uplifting dreams." Patton said with a smirk, causing half of Deceit's face to flush in embarrassment. 

"And what about you?" 

"It took a while, but you taught me something important. There are shades of grey in all of us, and it's okay to love someone who's imperfect and maybe a little hard to handle." 

"Are you going to apologize directly or are you going with my method?" 

"When in Rome!" Patton giggled, and then got serious, "But you and I both know that saying I'm sorry isn't enough.”

“You are very correct. I have an idea I think you’ll abhor,” Deceit said and removed his rubber gloves. Patton leaned in, ready to listen to him, instead of the twins causing Virgil and Logan to lose their minds.


	18. Tuxedo Catch (Part 1)

"Remus, why did you make this corpse look like an aged version of me?" Logan asked as he stared at the body with a gladiolus sword sticking through the chest. The Side bouncing on his heels on the other side of the college professor's office shrugged. 

"When I think about teachers I think about you and also getting bare-ass spanked with a ruler for forgetting my homework! Which one is better suited for this environment?" 

"Considering your thought process, I commend you for omitting the third option. I would hate to damage my ruler on you." Logan replied with the slightest teasing lilt to his voice. 

"You know me all too well, Teach!" Remus beamed, "Do I get a gold star?" 

"Not yet. I have yet to solve and grade this room. And I would offer you a replica of a red dwarf star first." 

"Then you better check your watch!" Remus sang and shimmied, "Otherwise it could be you in that chair!" 

"Weren't you under direct orders to leave me unscathed?" Logan questioned as he pulled up the relevant data and read it, groaning at the names. 

"I take it you don't like how this bad boy looks right now." Remus giggled and did a little happy dance. 

"How do I put this? The victim was a history professor whose focus was Ancient Rome, and his name is Patrick Ian Senate. Patrician Senate. I don't want to know what else is in store on that front."

"Well the person who found the body was the old department secretary, Eileen Margaret Wright, Peggy for short, and she has a prosthetic right leg, so you're in luck!" 

"Who helped you with these names? Patton?" Logan groaned, "That would be just my luck!" 

"Nah, I got Virge to play Jess!" Remus giggled and waved his hand to adjust the scene, "C'mon, let's get investigating!" Logan groaned as he read through the autopsy report.

Dr. Senate was a good professor who didn't have any obvious enemies. He lived alone in a small apartment after his wife passed and he maintained contact with his daughter via email. Nothing in those correspondences suggested she harbored ill-will. He was incredibly well-liked. Logan couldn't fathom who could have done it.

"Has forensics documented the scene in detail? Photos, samples, evidence." Logan asked stiffly. Remus laughed and shook his head. 

"C'mon brain boy! I didn't move the body and stuff without recording every detail! You can check the codex if you want! You have everything at your fingertips—evidence, lab reports, people of interest, timelines, and even a duke who would totally bend you over and—"

"Focus Remus. There's a murder to solve and far too many questions to answer for either of us to be side tracked." Logan cut him off and stared at the now empty chair. Immediately he noticed something was off and guided Remus by the chin to observe.

"Remus, there's no blood on the back of this chair despite the obvious puncture and other fluids. Was this a slip in your creative process?" 

"Logan!" Remus gasped, scandalized, and jerked away, "I have never been one to skimp on details! I'm offended you even thought about asking when you know my rooms are the only things I obsess over in a creative way! Now Virgil's butt—"

"We all have the same butt." Logan cut him off and closed in on the chair. He wanted to examine the puncture without a creative rant.

"But those skinny jeans are his and his alone!" the duke swooned.

"Remus." It was a warning, Logan made sure his tone conveyed that this was not the appropriate time.

"You have great taste in pants too–they definitely leave more to the imagination!" 

"While I appreciate your aesthetic tastes and description, I need you to focus on the murder." Logan groaned, "Please produce an exact replica of the murder weapon." Remus shrugged and summoned the actual weapon, since he had all the data and he needed, and dropped to a knee like a knight to offer the sword. 

"Interesting." Logan hummed as he observed the blade. There was dried blood on it where it was inside the body, but something didn't add up.

"Can you get the blood tested and have the coroner examine the wound more closely? I also want to get prints on the hilt. And please let me know when that data is updated, as well as the time of death." 

"You got it, Sherlo!" Remus sang and made the sword vanish for the time being. He got up and bobbed in place, waiting for Logan to take his next step. He didn't wait long.

"I would like to speak to the person who first discovered the body." 

"I'll take you to her office!" Remus giggled and grabbed Logan's arm, pulling him through the police tape and down the bland hall to a wide-open door. There was a simple desk with a computer, assorted filing cabinets, and a large copier crammed into the small space. And amid the clutter, a little old lady was typing away.

"Pardon me, miss." Logan said and knocked on the doorframe. The woman's head snapped away from her computer and she smiled at the pair.

"Oh goodness! I was wondering when you would show up!" she chuckled, "Come in! Come in!" she waved them in, ignoring the warning glare Remus sent her way. Logan entered and pulled out his notepad, ready for this encounter.

"Hello, I'm Detective Logan Sanders, and I would like to get your account on the events that transpired, starting with your name and relation to the victim and the last time you saw the victim alive."

"Well now, you sure are a professional young man! My name is Eileen Wright, but everyone calls me Peggy. I'm the history department secretary. Ironic isn't it, because I don't have a right leg—"she paused for a moment to glare at the duke, who looked ready to commit another murder on sight, "—but enough about that, Pat has always been a gem. It hurts to think he got his promotion stolen away from him like this!" 

"Promotion?" 

"He was promoted to department head—about time too—he was thrilled when he got the news on Friday. I never saw him so happy, not since his daughter got into Princeton." 

"Was Friday the last day you saw him?" 

"Yes. I had to go see my doctor, so I left the office early, around 4:30 that afternoon. You can confirm that with the receptionist at the clinic." 

"Can you give me any information about the people who passed through?" 

"Of course I can. Tommy was across the hall in his office from 2 until I left at least, I didn't see him leave. Then there was Jess, they came to speak with Tommy and Pat. Oh, and Inga, sweet girl, stopped by to drop off her final essay." she gasped and pressed her hand to her heart before going into detail. Logan swore he heard Remus' neck crack behind him.

"Could you please clarify one thing? Who is Tommy?" 

"Dr. Thomas Gunn, he teaches early 20th century history. Nice boy, had a friendly little rivalry with poor Pat, loves his job, makes the best gingerbread." Peggy gushed. Logan was going to ask for more details when Remus grabbed his shoulder. 

"The next witness is in Gunn's office. You should talk to them before they leave." Remus growled. Logan got up, bidding Peggy goodbye and left the office. The door slammed behind him and Logan knew he would have to handle this next witness alone.


	19. Tuxedo Catch (Part 2)

Logan entered Dr. Gunn's office with a sigh and spotted a young person in a red plaid skirt with chains, skull tights, combat boots, and a Misfits tee. They had thick, dark eye makeup and they were perched in a chair, closed off and bitter.

"Jess Malock, I presume?" Logan greeted and shut the door to block out a majority of the royal screeching. Jess crossed their arms and glared at him. Oh this would be fun, but not as much fun as Remus was having.

"Virgil I understand you are supposed to be moody and reluctant in this role, but you do need to be at least a little civil." 

"Where's Ree?" he asked impatiently and shifted in his seat. 

"Yelling at Roman. There might be a fight knowing those two, but I hardly see that as a hindrance." Logan sighed and sat on the desk, running his gloved fingers over an empty knife sheath in plain sight. 

"Why did I let him get roped into this?" Virgil groaned, "Creative differences, sibling rivalry, and Remus getting to play director—it's worse than letting Pops moderate a debate about service animals!"

"While that comparison is similar, I hardly agree that it holds the same weight—The twins are nothing compared to our altruistic paternal figment." Logan countered, pulling another pained grunt from the incognito emo. Virgil rolled his eyes and cracked his knuckles.

"Let's get this over with." 

"Indeed. So, Mx. Malock, am I to assume you are aware of the situation?" 

"Yeah. Your grunt let it slip that I'm the prime suspect. Which is bullshit." Jess sneered. Logan adjusted his glasses and quickly opened his codex. He found all relevant data on Jess Malock and pouted. They were the last visitor to the crime scene on record and Peggy, Dr. Gunn, and an anonymous informant reported that there were raised voices during their interaction. 

"Let's hear your side of the story." Logan said and closed the codex. Jess let out a puff of air and rolled their eyes. 

"I came by to drop off my final essays and to see if Senate got my email about needing to take the final earlier. I came here first, gave Gunn the paper while he cleaned his knife—a historical collectible, not like a modern shiv or anything. Then I went next door and turned in my essay for Senate's class. I asked him about the final and the email. He didn't get them, he wouldn't give me the final earlier, we got into a yelling match, then I left." 

"Why did you need to take the final earlier?" 

"My mom's going into surgery the next day. I have to leave Wednesday morning to get back home in time. The system eats my emails, and it keeps kicking my ass." 

"I see, I wish your mother the best of luck." Logan said adjusting his glasses, "You mentioned a knife. Given the circumstances, would you be able to describe it in more detail?" 

"Sure, it goes in that sheath and it's a Gunn family heirloom. The doc likes to keep it clean and safe." 

"Then why isn't it here?" Logan pressed. Jess glowered at him and hissed—that was all Virgil.

"I'm sorry did you just hiss at me?" Logan frowned. He swore they moved past this in 2017!

"I do that when I start reaching my limit with false accusations."

"I'm not accusing you of anything. If you don't know what happened to it, I cannot fault you, and at this time it is irrelevant to the case." Logan sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Jess rolled their shoulders and pouted.

"He was taking stuff out of this office to move for next semester. He was using the big suitcase next to the desk for his books and stuff. It might have wound up in there." Jess shrugged.

"You're leading me," Logan huffed, "I don't appreciate your hints, Virgil. This is a means to test and hone my reasoning skills." 

"Did your reasoning factor in that I am chaffing in these tights? No. Ducey can get butthurt later." 

"I am the one who is, as you said, butthurt, now." Logan frowned. 

"Hey, all I'm telling you is that he used that suitcase for the move. Logically speaking, if the knife isn't in the sheath that would be the next place to look for it."

"Virgil!" Remus scolded as he burst into the office with a sad Princey dressed like an old lady behind him. 

"What!?" Virgil groaned and rolled his eyes to glare at the Duke. Remus groaned and puffed out his chest to appear more imposing. 

"You have to go by the script!" Remus groaned, "There's reasons why I have one in the first place!" 

"You had these characters created already—you didn't need either of us." Virgil retorted. 

"I wanted to play detective with them!" Roman whined, "And Remus wouldn't let me unless I brought a friend!" He stamped his foot childishly and pouted. Remus shrugged and inched away from Roman toward Logan.

"Wait, you were the royal pain who blackmailed me into this?" Virgil snarled and shot to his feet. Roman looked to the duke for help, praying that their brotherly bond would save him.

"Yep! I covered for him so you would join the fun!" Remus laughed, "Better run Princey! Scare Bear is faster than a giant house spider." Roman panicked and sank out, just as Virgil pounced. He hit the ground with a thud and snarled.

"Princey you little shit!" Virgil shouted and disappeared in a puff of black smoke. 

"Blackmail?" Logan questioned and checked his watch. They would have to catch the other two before six. The only thing scarier than Virgil would show up if they were late.

"Ro came across a few recordings of our emo singing and screaming Backstreet Boys, Spice Girls, and NSYNC. They're delightful and he does that thing with his voice that just makes me wanna—" 

"Find him and Roman before Mom and Dad get angry." Logan cut him off and adjusted his glasses.

"That too!" Remus giggled and shimmied mischievously, "But it's kinda hot when Daddy gets angry. I'll be his bad little boy and take whatever punishment he wants to give me!" 

"He'll make you clean my room and ground you." Logan chuckled and stilled his shoulders. Remus pouted and huffed. 

"We can discuss the details of what you want from any of the other sides after dinner. Our objective is to keep Virgil from mauling Roman." Logan stated far too plainly for Remus' comfort—but that was the best part of talking to Logan. He grinned and grabbed Logan's arm. 

"To the Imagination!" he cheered and sank them both out.


	20. The World Would be a Better Place to Live in

"Oven on your left!" Patton sang as he swooped in next to Deceit and opened the oven just as the timer went off. Deceit glanced away from the strawberries he was slicing and smirked at the bespectacled side.

"Your timing is simply  _ dreadful _ ." he teased as Patton pulled out a large casserole dish. He set the dish on the stove top and closed the oven with a bright grin.

"Papa Bear likes lasagna! I've got this recipe down to a T! You're in for a treat E!" he said with a giggle.

"How much time is left on the turtle timer?" Deceit asked, "Those cheesecake brownies have to be out exactly when that timer goes off." 

"You have about a minute left, and they smell amazing!" 

"Wait until they're decorated with a scoop of vanilla or strawberry ice cream and the glaze in the fridge." Deceit hummed proudly, taking in the scents that made his stomach growl.

"And to think I thought lemon squares would be enough of a compliment! We're living like fat cats tonight!" Patton beamed and moved to set bowls of salad on top of the plates already set.

"Orange fat cats." Deceit scoffed and turned off the timer at two seconds left. He pulled out his brownies and set them on the stove next to the lasagna. He turned off the oven and internally groaned. 

"That's right! Garfield!"

"Logan!" Deceit sang with a satisfied smirk, "I  _ loathe _ word association games." And then Logan rose up with Remus.

"Garfield. Logan." Patton mumbled to himself. 

"Beast Boy! That's what they call me in bed!" Remus cackled. Patton pouted and shook his head. He should have known. 

"Am I to assume that you have finished preparing dinner?" Logan asked. Deceit nodded and washed his hands. 

"It is. Where are Roman and Virgil? I would hate for them to be late and miss out on dessert." 

"Isn't that a little bit harsh?" Patton asked. Deceit shrugged. 

"I'm not saying no dinner, that would be harsh. Saying no to sweets without much nutritional value for being late to dinner isn't."

"But dinner is family time. So is dessert." 

"Which is why punctuality is important. It's rude to the cook to let his hard work go cold. Do you have a better idea?" 

"What if we gave them extra spinach in their salads, extra vegetables?" Patton suggested, "I know they're not big fans of spinach but they will eat it and it's healthy." Deceit smiled at him and nodded. 

"That is a better idea. I think that should be the standard for tardiness. Greens—" 

"Greens! Greens and nothing but greens! Parsley, peppers, cabbages, and celery. Asparagus and Watercress and Fiddlefern!" Roman cheered as he rose up with Virgil, who still looked murderous. 

"Now that everyone's here, wash up and take your seats." Deceit ordered in a nearly motherly tone. 

"It's lasagna night!" Patton added. Everyone was stunned when Remus ran to the sink first—everyone except Virgil, who knew how much Remus adored Patton's lasagna to the point where he would beg the emo to take some and bring it back before he moved upstairs. 

* * *

What could be better than good food and friendly conversation? Logan was happily raving about some of the latest scientific discoveries, pausing to eat only when either Roman or Virgil nudged him. Remus was taking notes between mouthfuls of his favorite food, savoring it while scarfing it down. Patton was thrilled that Remus liked it so much. 

"Oh god, Pops, this is better than sex!" Remus groaned as he went for a third piece. 

"Like you would know!" Roman jeered. Remus stuck his tongue out at him, earning a chuckle from Virgil. 

"You know what?" Patton hummed, "A compliment is a compliment, even it's unorthodox or a little vulgar. I'm getting used to the Remus brand of positivity. I'm glad that dinner is giving you a food boner." He smiled warmly at Remus as the duke's eyes watered.

"Pops?" Remus squeaked, "Thank you." 

"Of course, kiddo! You're part of the family and I want to work with you to make things better! Speaking of which, better hold off on any more after that piece, someone made an amazing dessert." Remus bit his lip and nodded, trying to contain his joy. 

"Logan, not that I don't want to hear about the latest vaccine research, but I do have a question for you, that's a bit off topic." Deceit hummed. Logan swallowed thickly and nodded for him to continue. 

"How have you been doing, adjusting to the new arrangement?" 

"You mean the merger and moving Remus' room across the hall from mine? I have yet to experience any negative effects. I would even be bold as to claim it has been a positive move." 

"I was referring to the demolition of the physical divide. I've asked everyone else."

"It's true." Roman butted in, "And I am the only one who has a complaint." 

"Roman I cannot move Remus' room. You both need direct access to the imagination and each other." Deceit groaned. 

"But he's next to Virgil!" Roman whined. 

"Yeah because he can handle my influence if it leaks out. It won't kill you to walk down the hall." Virgil cut in, "Now let Logan answer the question." 

"Thank you, Virgil." Logan and Deceit said at the same time. Deceit gestured to Logan to let him continue. 

"I find that the lack of a border to be beneficial for Thomas' mental health and it has created an equilibrium that is unprecedented in the mindscape." 

"Those are both factually supported," Deceit responded, "But I would also like to know how it makes you feel." 

"Feel?" Logan parroted back, catching everyone's attention, though some were less obvious about listening in than others. Roman and Remus were certainly not masters of stealth. 

"I am pleased with the arrangement. I am glad to be closer to my friends, all of you, without any shame or guilt. I don't feel like I have to pretend I don't feel at all. The atmosphere in general is much less suffocating and overall I feel happy." 

"I'm glad you feel that way, Logan," Patton said as he set his silverware on his plate, “I’m glad everyone is happier now.”

“I’m glad you came around.” Deceit added, “It’s nice to have my best friend back.” Patton smiled at him and nodded. He couldn’t agree more.

“Are we about to have an orgy?” Remus blurted out, “Because if so I don’t wanna be anywhere near Princey!”

“Strictly platonic, Duchey.” Virgil huffed, “Keep it in your pants until you’re in your room! I wanna eat without that mental image.”

“I can’t help it!” Remus whined, “All I can think of is that sweet sweet—”

“I think that means it’s time for dessert.” Patton said quickly before things could escalate. Deceit agreed. It was far from perfect, but having the family back together was beyond compare. There was one kitchen, one common area, and plenty of rooms all on one level of the mind. No one could ask for anything more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _That's all folks! Thank you for reading this rollercoaster ride of a fic! I hope you enjoyed it! And if not, thanks for seeing it through til the end_


End file.
